Gameweek 25: Let's get back in this......

After a sustained period out with my own litany of maladies including, but not limited to; Injuries, writers block, excessive drinking and not giving a fuck, I gathered it was time to get back on the horse so to speak. And this has been one restless fucking horse. With Leicester five clear and everyone else utterly incapable of dodging the banana skins the league is more open and more chaotic than ever. This week was no exception with City failing to put up any fight, Liverpool skidding to a halt and the clash of two titans turning in a bore-fest for the ages. Hell, even Villa are failing to live up to their tag of a guaranteed three points by . So without further ado.....

Manchester City Vs Leicester: Foxes put the billionaires to the sword and pull ahead.....

With the announcement of the arrival of Pep Guardiola the City players are in an interesting state: Ignore the current manager because you know he's out the door and the other guy will change everything or go for it and try to put your best game on show to ensure you're unstoppable for said other guy. Both carry the risk of the incumbent management deciding you're superfluous (for different reasons) and both risk the fans branding you a mercenary bastard. Quite how they manage to throw that label around in a team staffed entirely with mercenary bastards is a topic for another day. In any case City are a team of Schrödinger’s footballers: you don't know if they're going to play until you watch them. In the case of Yaya Toure, however, we've long known the answer: FUCK NO. He was the epitome of an empty shirt today and is surely on the way to sitting out the rest of the season like the petulant child he is. Having said that, he was in no way alone in shouldering the responsibility for this performance.

Put simply, City were taken to school. Had City walked away 4-0 down they still could not have complained, such was the disparity between the two. The musings prior to this face-off were that the Leicester spear tip attack of Vardy, Mahrez et al, would find the pondering City defence easy going, it turned out that the it was one of Leicester’s own burly defenders that was the main goal threat. In the third minute, Huth had ghosted (as much as it's possible for him to ghost anyway) in front of a failing Demichelis and shambled the ball home. It was the first set-piece of the game and it set the tone for the level of defending City were going to display. With such an early goal, Leicester were happy to sit deep and invite the pressure. Normally this would be suicidal, allowing players of the calibre of Silva permission to roam, but it worked. Leicester saw the 1-0 lead into the break and stung City again three minutes after the start. Zabaleta lost possession high up the pitch, where he'd no right to be, and with Vardy as his decoy, Mahrez ripped past the entire defence and slotted home past Hart. Off went Toure and Delph, both useless, and before the new additions could take effect, Huth scored again, heading a Fuchs corner home by simply being the only fucking player who could judge the height of the ball. And that's how the match should've ended before Aguero was gifted too much space to guide home a header to give the scoreline some balance, even if the game did not have any.

Aston Villa Vs Norwich: Head-less Villa overcome spirit-less Canaries...........

Villa claimed three vital points today and, while they'll still be rooted to the bottom of the table, Norwich are now dragged down into the relegation zone with them following this result combined with Newcastle's win over West Brom. And they've got no-one to blame but themselves. They did not even look like they were attempting to win until they went 2-0 down on the 73^rd minute and the nature of the two goals they gave up will not be filling their coaches with pride any time soon. Having won promotion two seasons in a row, relegation is the last thing they'll want but performances like this are not ones given by a team that cares if they stay up or not. Villa have given themselves a mighty boost over the past few weeks, taking eight points from their last five games. What they won't be looking forward to is seeing how their total lack of options up front affects their struggle to claw their way out of the drop-zone. Outside Agbonlahor, Villa have no-one bar youth prospects, with the closest thing they have to a back-up being a 17-year-old who was dropped by Stevenage.

That Norwich came today with an ultra-defensive setup did not help. This was possibly brought on by their recent winless run of six games with 19 goals shipped. But the setup sought to only highlight the deficiencies at the back rather than shore them up. One would think “Of course they can't defend, they've got Bassong and fucking Martin at the back” and they would be somewhat correct. They'd also need to realise that defending requires only four defenders with one midfielder to track back to be effective, why some managers ignore and pack the back is beyond me. On the cusp of the break, Villa won a free-kick and Gil slung in a floating ball that Lescott bobbled in off Klose. A stern team-talk later, Norwich were out and playing just as shit as before and conceded after seven minutes when Vertout fed Agbonlahor and he calmly fired home for his first goal since God was a boy. Then Norwich came to life and set up a nervy last fifteen minutes for Villa. However, the Villa defence has improved when Bunn was put between the sticks. His better positioning means his centre-backs don't look shit and his distribution is better (although to beat Guzan all he has to do is avoid passing straight to the opposition striker) resulting in a rare clean sheet and two goals. The only way is up for Villa.

Liverpool Vs Sunderland: Liverpool squander two-goal lead as fans leave en-masse......

I should really stipulate here that the fan walk-out had nothing to do with the draw as Liverpool were 2-0 up and cruising with only eight minutes left when they blew it. The fans had left before that. Yet while the more romantic among us will try to draw the lines between the two events, nothing could really be further from the truth. Sunderland were absolute tripe in the first half, surrendering almost 82% of the possession but Liverpool failed to do anything with it. Their passing was tame and pedestrian and Sunderland had clearly arrived with a plan to pack the box and hope Liverpool fell apart before scoring. Turns out, they were only half right.

Fifteen minutes after the re-start, Firmino (who has been enjoying a renaissance of sorts) left his marker for dead and headed a Milner cross into the goal. Liverpool steamed forward afterwards and the match seemed done and dusted when Firmino charged and awful clearance and raced into the box. His square ball left O'Shea for dead and left Lallana with the easiest tap-in goal you'll ever see. Liverpool then starting playing with all the pace of a pre-season friendly and it all unravelled eight minutes from time. That the fightback was led by Johnson (a now convicted paedophile) will serve to only rub bitter, acrid salt in the wounds. Another thing fans won't like seeing is Mignolet's, quite frankly, awful attempt to stop his free-kick in the 82^nd minute. This spurred Sunderland and they poured it on. Defoe finished expertly in the 89^th to seal the comeback although quite how five Liverpool players failed to put in a tackle as the ball was worked around for him is a question that really needs to be answered.

Newcastle Vs West Brom: The Magpies see off Brommie to clamber out of the drop zone...

Such is the paucity of confidence at Newcastle that they can virtually control a match for the entire 90 minutes and still class it as “a nervy one”. The full-time whistle saw McClaren not just sigh but actually deflate with relief. His face bears the scars of much worry and this result will see him be genuinely secure in his job since he took over. At least much more so than at three o'clock anyway. Both teams were fielding weakened defences, with Newcastle fielding a winger, Aarons, at left-back, Tiote in midfield and Taylor back after five months. West Brom were missing Evans, Morrison and Brunt. Although Brommie had the advantage of a far superior goalkeeper in Foster.

And it was Foster that was the main difference between the two teams for the most part. Having denied both Townsend from range and Mitrovic from about two yards before Tiote rifled home from 25 yards, a superb goal. Too bad it didn't stand as Mitrovic was well offside and right in Fosters' eyeline. Just when it seemed like one of those days, Shelvey threaded a great through-ball to Mitrovic who fired low past Foster. McClean later had a shot blocked thanks to a last ditch tackle from Janmaat and the half ended in a flurry. The second half saw the prodigal son in Berahino go on and his first act was to craft a wonderful chance for Pritchard, which he then blasted over the bar. Newcastle resorted to double-marking him with Taylor and Tiote paying him lots of attention. The second half ended again in a flurry as Townsend smashed the post with another long-range effort and Wjinaldum heading narrowly over.

Spurs Vs Watford: Spurs barely break a sweat dispatching the hornets......

Spurs are fast emerging as the dark horse of the campaign this season. With all eyes on the wonder that is Leicester and all the other teams fucking up to varying degrees, they have been able to steal in under the radar over the past few months to sit in second without anyone noticing. This is not an accident. One main group of people Spurs' title charge is meant to go unseen by is the players themselves to avoid any cases of the jitters from affecting his unusually young team. But any more wins and it will be difficult to contain the excitement. They've been taking on all-comers and have soundly beaten most of them to end up with, by far, the best goal difference in the top four. Watford arrive safe in the top half and looking to climb further up the table. Here, any hopes they had of winning rapidly evaporated as they were comprehensively overwhelmed for 90 minutes.

Watford had already started off on the back foot, with Ighalo forging up front alone due to Deeney picking up a knock and starting the game on the bench. They aimed to stifle the Spurs swarm forward and hit them on the counter. Quite why they chose to do this when shorn of one of their best attackers is quite beyond me because they failed to muster up one single shot on target the entire game. In fact, Watford managed only one shot in the first half and two in the second. Spurs, on the other hand, virtually peppered the Watford goal with 23 shots, eight of them on target. When the deadlock was broken it was from one of a number of superb flowing movements. Dembele and Alli combining nicely to leave Alli squaring the ball across the face of the Watford goal. Trippier, having run almost forty yards, arrived at the back post completely unmarked to tap home. Spurs never let up, mindful to prevent the breakaway goal that would've cost them two points. But it never came as Watford simply played out the game deflated from being so out-played.

Stoke Vs Everton: Toffees rampant against the walking dead......

Everton arrived at the Hawthorns on the back of a 3-0 victory, chomping at the bit to reverse what has been the most bewildering and upsetting season for them. Despite possessing the best team they've had for decades the Toffees find themselves worse off now than they have for a long time, with no real tangible target in sight for the end of the season other than “let's not fuck it up too much so we get all our best players poached”. The usual excuse of “haven't had time to gel” doesn't ring through either as most of the team have had more than a season or two to work out any kinks in their styles. Stoke, conversely (or rather perversely), sit above Everton despite having lost their last two matches 3-0 and having not scored in six games. Hughes' renaissance at Stoke seems to petering out and there's a creeping realisation that they may not nearly as good as they believe they are. A win to keep Everton at bay in the bottom half would go some way towards staving off that conclusion.

No such luck today then, as Everton cut them to shreds almost immediately when Barkley sliced clean through the backline and released Cleverly into the box. He was upended by Butland and Lukaku sent him the wrong way from the penalty spot. After that, Stoke fell to pieces. Fourteen minutes later Cleverly served in a corner and Coleman was left totally unmarked to head home in the box. The first half had yet more humiliation in store for Stoke as Wollschied dreadfully underhit a square ball so badly he should be credited with an assist for Lennons goal. He was left clean through and dispatched clinically. The second half saw Stoke conduct themselves better but they'd left themselves far too much to do and Everton just kept it nice and tidy and left no gaps for Stoke to try to worm their way back into the game.

Swansea Vs Crystal Palace: Bad habits return to bite back at the Swans.....

It was very much a match where the old habits, both good and bad, came to the fore. Swansea took the lead through a Sigurdsson free-kick and conceded a goal from a laughably defended set-piece. Spurning chance after chance in the first half, the were left to look back on what could have been a rout at full time. It would have been three much needed points for them as they languish just four points off the drop zone with all the teams below them (bar Villa of course, they're fucked) building up steam. Despite this, the swans can look back on what is probably the best performance they've put in since they sacked Monk. Palace will be happy with this draw also as it arrests a run of five straight losses and restores some much needed confidence to the squad.

Still Palace were very lucky to get anything out of this match considering how badly they started it. They were on the back foot for most of the first half which included a sublime free-kick. A crude foul by Adebayor in a prime spot led to Sigurdsson curling the ball just inside the near post. Maybe Hennessey could've done more, maybe not (being beaten at your near post isn't the best thing for a keeper), but the ball was aimed to perfection and struck with enough power to make it fly. Swansea then began to squander chances like scoring was going out of fashion with Routledge narrowly shooting wide with his own curling effort and Ayew passing up a brace of chances. The second half saw a brief Palace fight-back which led to a corner, and that was all they needed. Cabaye's excellent corner was flicked on by Delaney to tee up Dann to fire home his fifth goal in as many games. This puts the central defender as Palace's joint top-scorer. Palace would only get another sniff at goal the rest of the game with Boateng (no, not that one, the other one) pulling a decent shot wide. Swansea hunted in search of the winner but Williams came up short twice and both teams had to settle for the point at the end.

Southampton Vs West Ham: Saints fight hard for the win as the “great wall” stands tall.....

As with the Swansea game, this was a match of old habits resurfacing, particularly for Southampton: Another clean sheet for Forster (they've not conceded since he's been back), another win (their fourth in the last five games) and another red card for Wanyama (who will commence a five match ban after this) Southampton have returned to the team of last season and now have a top-six (maybe top five) finish well in their sights. The old method of a solid back line, complete with a brick wall of a keeper, and a turbo-charged midfield and attack reaped dividends for them today even if it all went awry after Wanyama lost his head and was sent for an early shower. West ham will look at this match as the very epitome of why they need to sharpen up when applying pressure, they registered 18 shots in total with only two on target. No doubt their failure to bother Forster more than once will be a main talking point, especially considering the sheer amount of pressure they applied for most of the game.

In the end it was a wonderful early goal and a stalwart back line that won it today for the Saints. It had been sign-posted though as Soares managed to wander into the Hammers box completely unnoticed on the eight minute. Only a superb Adrian save denied him. Yoshida's goal, coming in the ninth minute, was gift-wrapped for him when Clasie's massively over-hit corner was recovered by Wanyama who played a cute passing game with Mane before hitting a low pass into the six yard box for Yoshida to tap home. Then Southampton were happy to play the waiting game. It took a full thirty minutes for West ham to produce an attempt on target, it unfortunately turned out to be their best one of the game. Wanyama giving away a stupid free-kick and Reid getting a free header five yards out which produced a scarcely believable reaction save from Forster. West Ham fought their way back in and were well on top by the break. Then the match turned. Following the re-start Wanyama absolutely scythed into the back of Payet and got a straight red. With him to shackle him anymore, Payet was free to wreak havoc in midfield. Yet they were unable to even test the Southampton goal any further and will certainly rue this as, at least, one point dropped.

Bournemouth Vs Arsenal: Quick fire goals keep the Gunners in the title race..........

Arsenal came into this game in desperate need of two things: goals and points. Having trundled to a 0-0 draw last week (in which Forster racked up a league record ten saves) confidence was at a season low and they needed a boost from somewhere: enter Mesut Ozil. Despite being odds-on to break the season assists record and turning in a raft of fine performances his detractors always pointed out that he'd others to look to to drive the game onwards while he pulled the strings, their main question was: could he run a game all by himself? Bournemouth were to prove willing test subjects for this experiment. With Alexis not yet back to firing on all cylinders and every striker either injured or on a dry patch and barely any goals coming from midfield, it was down to Ozil to either provide the spark or drag it out his team-mates. He did both in the space of two minutes. Bournemouth also helped out in their own way with an unusually slow start to the game which allowed Arsenal far too much space and time on the ball. Ramsey was energetic in midfield, haring up and down the pitch and contributed some nice touches too and Oxlade being a surprise pick on the wing over both Campbell and Walcott. He needed to have a good game and he gave one.

It was a somewhat hectic start from Arsenal, probably from the shit-show at Southampton last week. It was personified by a ridiculous two-footed lunge by Flamini on the eighth (yes, eight minutes and he's going in two-footed) minute which could've gotten him sent off. As it were he won the ball first and made no contact but had the ref produced a yellow instead of a red you couldn't have complained. Arsenal went forward in search of goals and found one on the 23^rd when Ozil was found in the middle of the box by a Giroud header and he rifled the volley into the roof of the net. Ninety seconds later Ozil started another move which led to Ramsey sliding a nice through-ball in for Oxlade to run onto. He arrowed the ball across the goal and it pinged in off the far post. While heavily stunned fomr blinking too long and conceding twice so fast, Bournemouth picked themselves up and took some control back. Arter thumping a superb effort from long-range that required a full stretch save from Cech to keep out. Then he produced another great save in stoppage time, saving at the feet of Smith after he was allowed a free header. The second half opened to the hectic pace of the end of the first with Smith hitting the side netting and Alexis having a good shot saved by Boruc. The game settled down with Arsenal knowing they'd done enough and Bournemouth knowing they'd too much to do. This was nearly undone in stoppage time again when Cech made a fantastic double save from Cook and Arter to keep his clean sheet.

Chelsea Vs Manchester United: Bore-Score draw as two limping heavyweights collide.....

A game which normally is two teams competing for the top honours was, today, a game between two teams struggling to make an impact on the league. Both teams on a poor run of form and in poorer positions than they've been in a long time a win was vital for both while a draw would only serve to help those around them. With both teams under fire and all eyes on both managers (on one considerably more so) this was an ideal time for Van Gaal to cast off the hate and steal a run on the top spots. Instead, despite a much improved showing, he will have to resign himself to claiming Champions league qualification via the Europa league, whereas Chelsea's only hope is to win the tournament itself.

As was said, United started this game in control. They bossed the possession and played the ball from the back with a view to cutting in from the flanks as opposed to running down them. This meant no width due to th elack of wingers but it also meant a strength in the central areas where players like Mata and Lingard thrive. Both full-backs overlapped and bombed forward, forcing their Chelsea opposites backwards, creating space. While this tactic didn't pay out in the first half, it was obvious it was working, and in the 61^st minute they got their rewards. Jackson running the left flank and curling over a cross that Rooney nodded onto Lingard. His turn and shot into the top corner was first-class. Chelsea simply had no answer, with Oscar clueless and Willian looking like he'd somehow forgotten how to play football, their own full-backs refused to push up to counter. Hazard came on alongside Pedro to help stretch the United backline more and it worked. With the space out wide, the central players could find more room in the middle to play. This allowed Fabregas to push up, after Depay had carelessly given away possession, and his weighted pass to Costa was measured to perfection. Jackson read it well but in his desperation to get rid of the ball, his tackle simply nudged it right into Costa's path. He fired home in the 91^st minute to steal the point and deny United three needed ones.

Gameweek 18: No rest for the blue wicked..............

Right, this'll be a quickie as we've got more on Monday............

Manchester United Vs Stoke City: The walking dead trample a feeble United..........

It wasn't looking like being a good Christmas for Van Gaal. With confidence in his team at an all-time low and confidence in him essentially gone he really needed a solid performance, or a scrappy win, against a Stoke team that, while riding high with confidence, haven't exactly been banging them in with merry abandon. In fact, Stoke started this match among the lowest-scorers in the league so it was hoped that a brittle United defence wouldn't be tested too much or, if it was, De Gea should be more than able for whatever gets thrown at them. Van Gaal took the unusual step of benching Rooney. Unfortunately this meant fielding Fellaini as the focus point for Martial and Depay to run off him. Stoke are looking to really stamp their authority on the bigger teams to assert the transformation they've undergone and to let people know that they're a force to be reckoned with for anybody. The first half started off quite well in that regard. While United kept most of the possession (naturally) they never seemed to be able to do anything with it and got quite desperate at times to force something to happen. Stoke looked dangerous on the break and with Johnson bossing the right flank just behind Shaquiri, it was obvious the Swiss was set up to be the orchestrator of their attack.

The first half saw Stoke carve open the thin United defence (I would mention the midfield but it was non-existent) which led directly to the first goal in the 19^th minute. It was a total shambles. A harmless chip down the right flank for Johnson to chase finds Memphis instead which he should clear. He doesn't however, gets caught by Johnson, had his pocket picked and Johnson is loose in the box. He squares across the goal for Krkic who toe-pokes the ball through Jones' legs and into the goal. Stoke then pour on the pressure and force the free kick in the 26^th which leads to the second goal. Krkic hits a freekick straight into the wall, the ball bobbles to Arnautovic on the edge of the box, he takes a touch and smashes it top left corner. The next chance falls to Arnautovic again ten minutes later when he was put through one-on-one and decides to shoot from distance. He drags his shot fractionally wide with De Gea stranded. The half trickled out with little more from either side. The second half saw the introduction of Rooney and some fight to the United team. Outside of a gilt-edged chance for Arnautovic which he scuffed by just falling over the second half was mostly all United with Stoke pinned back and defending stoutly. Only rarely did Stoke manage to foray into the United half that was their hunting ground in the first half. But, then again, they were two goals to the good and didn't need to go all-out. Rooney presented more problems for the ref rather than Butland. Fellani came very close with a shot that required a fantastic reflex save from Butland. Martial stretched Butland towards the end but united never really looked like scoring and were almost hilariously vulnerable to any Stoke counter. United were feeble and Van Gaal will be lucky to see out this year as Manager let alone the season .He'll have Chelsea in three days to try to rescue his job. Stoke will have Everton to contend with.

Aston Villa Vs West Ham: Late Villa fightback claws them a much-needed point....

Despite Villa extending their winless run to seventeen games now, there will be something to take some hope from in their performance today. Or, at least, in the last half hour anyway. Having fumbled their way through the opening half and managing to concede just before the break, the awarding and conversion of a penalty and the glimpse of victory was enough to rouse the players into something resembling a team. They now lie nine points clear at the bottom, there nearest team, Norwich, are their next opponents on Monday. A loss or draw there would surely cement relegation., even at this early stage. West Ham will be left to rue the drop in form that comes with losing most of your best players all at once. Without Sakho, Lanzini and Payet they're reduced to looking for clean sheets and grinding out results until the new year when their treatment room will hopefully be empty.

The hammers took the lead just on the stroke of half time when Cresswell received the ball from Antonio, 20 yards out, and had all the time in the world to tee up his excellent low shot. The second half featured some controversial non-awards of penalties which, considering the one that was given, seem a trite bit unfair on second viewing. Villa pulled one back when Ogbonna was judged to have pulled Gestede down in the box. The replay shows that Ogbonna did not pull him down but rather touched his back allowing Gestede to tumble to the turf like he'd been shot. Ayew stepped up and converted the penalty to cap off his fine performance in the game. Villa then got their act together and, sensing West Ham were down, poured on the pressure for the winner. It was not to be for them though. It's probably all too little too late but, from the last half hour, the main problem at Villa seems to be a lack of belief rather than ability. But it's make-or-break for them now and there's no denying it. They simply have to win their next two or they're screwed. Norwich will provide more of a challenge than West Ham did as they're in roughly the same position as Villa are. The Hammers have Southampton next and, after their result, won't be looking forward to it as much as they were yesterday.

Bournemouth Vs Crystal Palace: Scrappy but fun 0-0 draw keeps the Eagles flying high....

This was always going to be a testing one for the Eagles. Shorn of Wickham and Bolasie, their two main attacking threats, they were forced to rely on their defence to bail them out. Which they did admirably. The Palace back four were rock solid and Bournemouth could only find their way through on scant occasions and even then they had not much to work with. But it was only in defence that Palace could claim the upper hand. Bournemouth, without the need to contain a strong centre-forward, stuck to nullifying Palace's other main attacking threat: the wingers, and it worked. Palace failed to register a single shot on target, although they were unlucky not to score in the ninth minute when Campbell's shot looped off Smith and nearly caught the badly out-of-position Boruc. Fortunately it went over.

Bournemouth were playing a little more care-free given they've won three on the bounce until today, although it at times strayed into care-less. Arter was lucky not to receive a red card after lunging in late on Zaha and was subbed off at half-time. Their main focus seemed to be stemming Palace's wide players, possibly in preparation for Arsenal on Monday. Should they have this level of success at the Emirates then they can foster hopes of something more than a rough 0-0 draw. Palace will need their replacement centre-forwards, Zaha especially, to step up and provide the goals that will keep them chasing a top five finish this season. They sit only two points outside of the top four. They will find Swansea obdurate opponents on Monday, no doubt, but should find the win easy enough. Bournemouth will hope they can suffocate Arsenal as well as they did Palace today.

Chelsea Vs Watford: Oscar slips up as the hornets fight for the point.............

If Hiddink wanted a sign of times to come as the new Chelsea boss he could not have gotten a more complete one than today. His side showed the weaknesses that got his predecessor sacked and that will keep the vultures circling the club for a while now and that are his priority to eliminate. Watford will be thankful for the point but will be mindful of the fact they only got it through sheer luck and will not steam into any match such as this with the near reckless abandon they showed today. While they can boast two in-form strikers and a robust midfield, their defence showed a soft underbelly with hints of headless turkey syndrome. Both teams today seemed to cancel one another out rather than clash as each registered only two shots on target apiece with two goals apiece also.

Indeed, after a good opening half hour Watford seemed to be enjoying a decent spell when their marking went to shit as a Willian corner was headed onto Costa. His volley, from little more than six yards out, was crisp and he was gifted way too much time get the shot off. They pulled one back when Matic handled a corner and conceded a penalty. Chelsea can have no complaints other than to ask why the fuck Matic was waving his arm around, like he was being electrocuted, like that in the first place. Deeney converted and the first half ended all square. The second half brought changes with Fabregas getting hooked to prevent being tortured anymore by the Watford midfield. It proved for naught as Watford pulled in front eleven minutes after the restart with Jurado finding Ighalo in acres of space near the Chelsea box. His shot spun off Cahill and wrong-footed Courtois who could only look on as the ball looped into the net. Then Watford let their good play go to waste by switching off again, nine minutes later. Willian played a superb diagonal ball between the sleeping centre-backs and Costa was first onto it. His goal spoke of the Costa of last season when he drew Gomes out and slotted the ball into the far corner. Then, with eleven minutes left, Berami steamed into Hazard in the box, leaving the ref no choice but to point to the spot. Up stepped Oscar who's deft staggering run probably did him no favours as he slipped and skied the ball. Costa then bookended the game by picking up his fifth yellow which will see him suspended for next weeks game at Old Trafford, which will be serious test of Hiddink and his new charges. Watford will take on Spurs knowing that to play as recklessly as they did here, will leave them facing a trouncing.

Liverpool Vs Leicester City: Klopp finally starts a striker as Liverpool stop the foxes.....

Looks like there's another way to beat Leicester then. Prior to this the only way known was to out-gun them and hope your defence wasn't too porous. Here, with the improbable combination of Lovren and Sahko, Liverpool held firm and notched up a clean sheet against a team that has scored in every game so far. Despite the win, Klopp will not look on this result with rose-tinted glasses, it could've ended so differently in more ways than one. It could've ended much better were Liverpool able to convert any of the chances they were gifted when the surprisingly lethargic Leicester defence failed to close down anyone in front of goal. Coutinho, in particular, had two chances curve narrowly wide and Lallana hit the side netting. It could've also been worse had Mignolet not gotten to Mahrez's shot in the first half. But overall Liverpool can be happy that their plan worked and Leicester's didn't.

The plan was to use Leicester’s' readiness to cede possession against them and work-rate the foxes into the ground while closing off their counter-attack. While it didn't pan out as cut-and-dry as that, it did see results as Leicester were unable to get anything going until they went behind and had left themselves far too much to do at that point. They absorbed nearly constant pressure until the hour mark when their defence went to sleep for the only time and Benteke latched onto a floated Firmino cross and smashed the volley home. The ease at which Benteke, not exactly the smallest guy, ghosted past and was left unmarked will be remarked about. Leicester then roused themselves after that and tried one of their legendary comebacks but, by now, they had been sussed out by the Liverpool defence who gave them no quarter. Leicester laid siege to the Liverpool box when, having sent Schmeichel up for a throw in, Benteke was loosed clear on goal. With a completely empty net, fuck that he had an empty half of the pitch, he somehow contrived to hit Morgan instead for the most laughable miss in recent history. He was spared his blushes by the full-time whistle moments later which confirmed his goal, his sixth, was the match-winner. Leicester now have to press on against City on Monday knowing they'll still be top by that time. Liverpool have their just rewards against Sunderland and what really should be three points.

Manchester City Vs Sunderland: Pointless Sunderland get turned over at the Etihad....

It's fair to say that Big Sam knew that he was going to have a tough job of it at Sunderland. But he's been given repeated viewings of just how bad the team is he's been given. Right now, the task of keeping them up looks like bailing out a boat with a teaspoon. Mannone was in goal today and it looks as if he's got a hoodoo regarding City, he's started only two games and shipped four goals to City each time. Sunderland started with a back four this time and did no better than when they started with five, the defenders marked poorly and committed nothing to the task of actually stopping the opposition scoring goals, which was personified in the opening goal when Sterling outjumped Jones, a man almost half a foot taller, to nod home.

De Bruyne called the shots today and against opposition this abjectly awful it's not hard to look good. Both his assists came from pretty much the exact same spot on the right wing, and he scored the fourth himself when a deflected Bony shot bounced straight to him. This game also saw the return of Kompany, only for him to go off nine minutes later with the exact same injury. Toure is showing signs that contract negotiations are on the horizon as he's starting to actually play again, he scored the third with another trademark 20-yarder and, in all bar the recurrence of Kompany's injury and Borini's consolation goal highlighting the shambles left behind in the injured captain's absence, the match was the cake-walk we all expected it to be. City will have more of a challenge next week against Leicester and will need a win to try to take the lead in the three-way crush at the top. Sunderland have bowed out of this match with barely a whimper and will struggle to muster one against Liverpool.

Spurs Vs Norwich: Spurs rout the Canaries to go top four.........

Spurs fans are trying nervously to suppress the urge to claim themselves as serious title contenders but there's no doubt they're certainly favourites to finish top-four and enter the Champions league. Despite routinely fielding the youngest team in the league, they've managed to drum up a level of consistency that the other teams around them would kill for. That they've also added the ability to kill off lesser teams is the bonus that should see them in the top-tier of European football next season. Today they faced a Norwich team filled with pluck having yet to come down from a Euphoric win at Old Trafford and looking to scalp another big team. And, until the 26^th minute at least, it looked like they'd do it.

Norwich shuffled the team that soundly beat Manchester United by stacking the midfield in an attempt to stifle the main avenue of the Spurs threat. They also sought to isolate Kane and force him out of the game whilst countering the Spurs' heavy press tactic with one of their own. For the most part, it worked. Norwich were testing Lloris from as early as the fifth minute with a curled shot from the edge of the box by Ofoe. Unfortunately they failed to make their early dominance pay and Spurs eventually stirred and their midfield clicked into life. On the 26^th Alli shifted past a number of defenders and played in Kane who tapped it past Rudd and was promptly cleared out by the advancing keeper. Kane stepped up himself to fire home the penalty. Then Spurs did not so much as shift up a gear but rather shifted up an entire level and Norwich never had a look in for the rest of the game. After a number of near-misses Kane eventually added his second on the 42^nd when Alli fed the ball to him after a breakaway attack and Kane stroked the ball in from a tough angle. The second saw Spurs take the piss with rabona attempts and bicycle kicks, clearly not giving a fuck and loving it. Norwich's misery was compounded when Lloris made a superb save and Carroll fired home the third from outside the box, swerving the ball into the bottom corner. Spurs are now on the march and have another team with moxie to beat, Watford. Norwich have the ideal team to lick their wounds against as they play Aston Villa.

Swansea Vs West Brom: Swans out of the relegation zone with a scrappy win.........

Swansea lifted themselves out of the quagmire with a win today that bore no hallmarks of their previous winning form. Not that they'll give a shit if anyone is being honest. Three points are all they wanted from this and they'll savour the ends regardless of the means. Another plus point from this game is the new-found solidity in defence organised around Williams. He's been a bedrock in the last three games, helping them not to concede the idiotic goals that were routine only a month ago. For West Brom this leaves them only two points above their opponents today and not facing a particularly happy Christmas schedule.

A well-taken ninth minute goal by Ki ended up settling the match. Routeledge sliding the ball into the box for Rangel to run onto it and smashing a shot off the post. Myhill couldn't react in time to prevent the ball ricocheting off his elbow and out of his grasp. Ki was less than three yards away and tapped home. West Brom couldn't find a way back into the game and could barely get past the Swansea backline at all. Bar two penalty calls, one strong, the other laughable, Brommie never did much to bother Fabianski. Swansea will hope this result turns their low fortunes around and will go to Palace next week to hope for further progress and some points. West Brom host a confident (or at least more confident) Newcastle and will seek to make amends for their lack of edge today.

Newcastle Vs Everton: Last gasp header sinks the magpies.........

It's often said that football is a cruel sport sometimes. Sometimes your team is mercilessly slaughtered (See Sunderland), sometimes your super team plays like garbage(See Arsenal) and other times your team clings on and plays their guts out only to be stung right at the end from a speculative attempt. What happened today was so cruel to the long-suffering Newcastle fans. They'll be forced to make due with the fact that they held a rampant Everton team for a full half and then began to out-play them in the second. For Everton this match will highlight both a massive strength and a glaring weakness in their side. For Newcastle they can see that this never happens again by improving their finishing.

Everton started much the brighter. Their version of tiki-taka took them around the Newcastle midfielder as if they weren't there at times. The full-backs bombed forward with reckless aplomb, at times giving Everton a 2-5-3 formation, and Lukaku had the run of the central area. Were it not for Elliot having a great game, Everton could've been out of sight by half-time. However after a succession of saves Newcastle went into the break dead even. It was after the re-start that the tide began with Mitrovic heading narrowly wide when he found Janmaat's cross under no pressure, then the penny dropped for Newcastle, Everton aren't that good in the air. Newcastle's new plan was to get the ball up and keep it up as often as possible and it nearly worked towards the end when an Elliot long ball befuddled the entire Everton defence and Perez was almost through. His shot was, again, narrowly wide. Sissoko would set up Mitrovic for another header before the 92^nd minute only for him to send it wide also. Then Elliot tamely punched a speculative punt into the box which left him badly out of position, Cleverly headed the ball straight back over him and into the net to seal the deal.

Southampton Vs Arsenal: Welcome to the new Arsenal, same as the old Arsenal.....

Whether it be complacency over playing a team that hadn't won in six matches (losing five of those) or too much partying over Christmas or whatever, Arsenal choose one hell of a time to put in their worst performance to date. Literally to a man, they were dire. Southampton put in a good shift and played well but by no means applied the sort of pressure needed to cause Arsenal to crack asunder like they did time and time again. It was a curious scene, a team that had just beaten the favourites for the league who had a bench worth more than the entire Arsenal starting XI, was sliced apart almost at will by a team who's best performance in the last six games was a draw to Aston Villa. One thing is for certain, if Arsenal are to win the league this year, they plan on doing the hard way.

Southampton successfully overturned one their worst runs in recent memory with a solid, muscular first half and a perfect second half. Their first goal was a bolt from the blue and it goes without saying that Martina will never, ever, hit the ball as well as he did in the 19^th minute and will never, ever, score a goal like that again. After 18 opening minutes, in which Arsenal resembled a waxworks exhibition that had somehow been mistaken for a football team, Martina collected the ball just outside the box and just hit it. The ball swerved from outside the far post back in and left Cech with no chance. The second half was all Southampton. Koscielny went down in the 55^th, claiming he was tripped by Long, and Mane's cross was perfect for Long to slot home. Ten minutes later Fonte scored a training ground header-from-a-corner and then Long iced the cake again in the dying minutes, outpacing the defence and tucking home the fourth. Southampton will need the boost heading to West Ham next week and Arsenal will need to hope other results go their way and a win at Bournemouth will see them top at the end of the year.

Gameweek 17: "Onward into the Christmas schedule!!!" cried the FA.................

This weekend marks the start of officially the most insane schedule in all of world sports: The premier league Christmas rumble. While every other league is giving their teams most of Christmas off to rest, recuperate and be with their loved ones, the premier league is saying “Fuck that shit, we pay you chimps to play so you'll fucking play”. This bank balance management leads to teams playing games on the 26^th through to the 30^th and onto the 3^rd. So enjoy this weekend as it's the last time most players will get to have the guts of a week off in-between matches for a while. So let's crack into this weekend while the league prepares to crack the whip..........................

Chelsea Vs Sunderland: Headless team of prima-donnas trundle pathetic Sunderland.....

Chelsea's first match without Mourihno (again) was a loaded one. Win and look good and they'd be denounced as mercenaries who revolted against a popular ( popular amongst Chelsea fans, anyway) manager, lose and they'd still be denounced as it would confirm they really are as shit as they've been making out. So Chelsea's only hope is to scrape a win and not look too convincing whilst doing so. Pity they were up against one of the few teams playing worse football then them. Sunderland are coming off the back of two losses (after winning twice on the trot) and are firmly locked into a relegation battle already. Hilariously they go into a match against the current champions only two place below them and looking like they could possibly get something here. Sadly Sunderland were Sunderland and contrived to give Chelsea everything, including a few scares. Even as the Chelsea fans loudly booed their own players, Sunderland managed to be worse. For the new guy, Hiddink (again), it was not a match that would tell him anything other than how toxic the atmosphere is currently at Chelsea with three of his biggest star players (Hazard, Fabregas and Costa) singled out for torrents of abuse and subsequently labelled “The Three Rats”

It took less than five minutes for Chelsea to take the lead and in the style that befit the day it came from one of their serial under-achievers this season, Ivanovic. He rifled a Willian corner into the roof of the net. Coates was completely at fault, letting Ivanovic go and gave him plenty of room for the header. Coates was at fault for the second too, eight minutes later, when he was caught horrendously out of position for Ivanovic to sling in a cross for Pedro to thump in, leaving Pantillimon no chance. Coates was subbed off seven minutes later having shambled his way around for 23 paltry minutes. His removal led to the restoration of some sense of stability and Sunderland managed to scrape into the break at 2-0 despite Costa coming close with two gilt-edged chances. The second half started as a continuation of the first with Chelsea dominating and pouring forward with Sunderland desperately trying to keep afloat. Five minutes in, Willian was hauled down in the box and Oscar converted from the spot to make it 3-0. Then the scares came in. Borini pulled one goal back two minutes later after Courtois flapped a Kaboul header onto his leg and Borini nearly capitalised on some more suspect handling from Courtois and Whatmore could've racked up one too after another gaffe. He somewhat atoned for those shakes with a solid save from Defoe late on but that second half passage only served to highlight the weak points in this Chelsea team that any team better than Sunderland (and there's quite a few of them) would've exploited. Chelsea have Hiddink fully in charge for their next match to Watford and he'll need to bolster that defence to keep out Deeney, Ighalo and Co. Sunderland limp onto their next match against Manchester City like their walking to a gallows and, in a sense, they really are......

Everton Vs Leicester: Foxes chew up the brittle toffee defence........

I've spoken before about the Everton defence not exactly being something you'd make the bedrock of an entire season. It's been the chief source of headaches for toffee fans and staff alike and also the chief reason they languish in 10^th despite possessing far more talent than a lot of the teams above them. For all the bright sparks they've got upfront there's an evident dullness at the back (Stones not withstanding) and it's really starting to get to them and this match was proof pudding of that fact. In fact, it was embarrassing at times to see how easily Everton self-destructed in defence. The first goal came from a Fuchs throw that Vardy had lobbed speculatively into the box. Any other defender would've put his foot through it but Funes-Mori decided (for some reason) to try to play the ball out. In the process he wound up hanging out of Okazaki and the referee correctly pointed to the spot. Mahrez tucked it away. Everton then showcased the better side of their game by equalising five minutes later, with some nice interplay between Kone, Lukaku and Deulofeu (when he wasn't rolling around like a twat every time he was tipped) found Barkley who's low shot was saved. The re-bound went straight back to him but he again couldn't convert thanks to King. That rebound went to Lukaku who made no mistake and slotted home. The rest of the goals came in the second half, along with the Everton midfield totally ignoring their defence, with the first coming after twenty minutes. A sustained bout of Leicester pressure led to Mahrez sliding a neat ball for Vardy who was then cleared out by Howard. Mahrez converted that one too. Leicester had hit there stride and racked up the third, four minutes later. A lame Everton throw to Coleman was following by an equally lame clearance attempt. Albrighton charged it down and the ball broke to Vardy who's square ball across the box to Okazaki was finished well. Spurred on somehow (maybe from the screams of more than a few Arsenal fans) Everton began to apply some pressure and Leicester broke in the 89^th when a Lukaku shot was pinballed around the box and fell to Mirallas who fired home to set up a nerve-wracking last few minutes. Leicester now have to contend with going into a tough fixture run at the top starting with Liverpool next week, Everton have the revitalised Newcastle.

Manchester United Vs Norwich: Canaries outplay the Red Devils to ramp up the heat......

Oh how United needed a win here, and how badly they played to spite themselves. Mnay were expecting that, with their back seriously to the walls and about to slip out of the top four, some semblance of the old United would creep back and secure at least a point. Maybe a win even, most were thinking, against a team second from bottom and mired in a relegation race already would not be too much for a team of this calibre, no matter how badly they're playing. Sixty minutes later and United are two nil down having not registered a single shot on target and not looking like doing so either. Norwich had a defensive, counter-attacking gameplan to operate and they stuck to it and got a much-deserved win. For everyone harping on about Norwich and their defensive tactics today I ask: “Did any other method make any sense for them?” Seriously, just look at their team and tell me how they'd have gone about playing open football. The gameplan had a nous of simple psychology to it: Don't concede and United will panic, then strike. Norwich gave over possession (they had the ball a mere three minutes out of every ten) and didn't even manage to win a corner yet had slotted home twice and won.

For United, looking back, it's obvious the main weak point was tactics. Playing Fellaini and Carrick in front of Jones and Smalling was asking for trouble. With Smalling the only one with pace it left the centre wide open for Norwich's forwards to exploit. And exploit they did. The first goal was a showcase of how easy this current setup was to by pass. Redmond picked up the ball just inside his own half and made up around thirty yards before any tackle was put in, he slid the ball off to Jerome on his right. Jerome then skipped past the desperate obvious tackle from Young and, with Carrick plodding behind him and Smalling trying to get in front, had pretty much the entire box to himself and his shot still found the back of the net even though De Gea got a hand to it. Th efirst half ended with lots of United possession, no shots and plenty of boos. The second half kicked off the same way until fourteen minutes later when Rooney got caught in possession in the centre circle and had hid pocket picked by Tettey. He played a short ball to Jerome and continued his run, tracked by literally no-one. Jerome covered around ten yards and slid a superb through-ball back for Tettey and his finish was low and hard into the bottom left corner to sent Old Trafford into a chorus of boos. United then finally got their first shot on target and their first goal twelve minutes later. Young pegged it to the byline to keep in an errant pass and his cross was delivered just a fraction to high for Rooney. Rooney's attempt, however, helped the ball onto Martial who held off a series of increasingly desperate tackles to fire the ball into the roof of the net. Mata got the second shot on target in the 78^th minute when Martial was fouled in a good position for a free kick and Rudd did well to keep it out. Full time trudged on and the boos rang out once again. United have to start the Chirstmas schedule against who will really fancy their chances of taking all three points. Norwich are out of the relegation zone and will have a job of staying out against Spurs.

Southampton Vs Spurs: Saints go limping in as Spurs go top four...........

It's been a bit of a familiar story with regards to Southampton. The feelings from the wondrous season they had and the subsequent fending off (well, mostly) of the predators who tried to poach virtually their entire fucking team has given way to a feeling that's definitely more “sinking” than anything else. They're 12^th and not up shit creek by any stretch but any more results like today and the alarm bells will be ringing. Today saw their fourth defeat in their last five games and, more worryingly, no signs that the team are learning from their mistakes. Suicidal defending, complete lack of finishing and running out of gas in the final third of the game have been hallmarks of their previous performances. So strange for a team that used to pride itself on relentless intensity. Spurs have halted a winless run of three games and are now top four and will be looking to stay there given how generally awful their surrounding opposition have been. They will definitely feel if Pochettino can wring some of his trademark consistency from this team, Europe's premier club competition will be a reasonable target for them, which will certainly help them retain some of their prized assets coming into the summer transfer window.

The start of this match didn't showcase the result and it would've been a far different match had Southampton's aforementioned finishing issues not reared their head so early. Mane was put through in the sixth minute, albeit at a tight angle, and his shot was deflected wide by Alderweireld. The resultant corner came to nothing. Two minutes later a Lloris punt forward was headed to Tadic who ran down a totally clear left flank and squared the ball across perfectly for Mane on the edge of the box. Mane was unmarked and the pass had caught the entire Spurs backline in the middle of their “statue” routine. His side-footed shot was strong but too near Lloris who got down well to save it. It was a golden opportunity. Spurs began playing themselves back into the game and got their first real attempt through Kane when he played a neat one-two with Eriksson and Gazzaniga could only parry his shot out for a corner. Then in the 40^th minute Lamela and Alli moved the ball forward in a swift counter-attack and Alli was cleaved out of it. The ball bobbled to Kane and, with the Southampton defence expecting the whistle, the ref played advantage. He strode forward, yards clear of anyone else and placed the ball into the far corner of the net. Three minutes later another Spurs counter caught the entire Southampton defence napping when Walker ran down the right flank with three other Spurs to his left. Not a single challenge was put in and his neat, low cross went straight to Alli's feet, totally unmarked at the back post, and he slotted home while the defenders still had their hands in the air. Fitting returns for the horrendous tackle put on him earlier. The second half petered out mostly event-free as Spurs shifted down a few gears and Southampton contrived to almost shoot themselves in the foot again with some calamitous defending. Spurs will take on Norwich next week and will be in fine spirits following this comically easy win, Southampton will hope to avoid another North London nightmare as they have Arsenal next.

Stoke Vs Crystal Palace: Eagles get justice thanks to Lee screamer............

Both teams today lined out dizzy from recent highs. Stoke's 0-0- draw at West Ham last week has not deflated the good mood they picked up with their comprehensive 2-0 win over Man City and Palace have been sitting pretty towards the upper end of the table for a while now. Pardew's lofty goal of a top-six finish seems not as nakedly flippant as it did at the start of the season. It's clear both teams have overhauled their images as of late and both are reliant on key pivot signings; Stoke have Shaquiri who returned today, Palace have Cabaye who was injured. If Stoke had one issue it was their inability to perform in the final third (they're the joint lowest scorers) and while they definitely performed better in that regard, they could do with a more clinical approach. And not encountering goalkeepers like Hennessey. Palace needed to maintain their shrewd away form and defended compactly, happy to allow Stoke possession, only applying pressure in their own half and only breaking forward when it seemed it would lead to a sure thing. This approach, of course, resulted in a game in which nothing much really happened outside of some strong midfield duels and periods of Stoke pressure. Stoke actually had their best chances in the first half with their main one coming on the 38^th minute when Van Ginkel flicked a cross off the outside of the post. It would be the closest they would come to scoring the entire game.

With the first half end looming, added time brought the respite. A lobbed free-kick was poorly dealt with and Delaney helped the ball to Zaha. While it cannot be disputed that Zaha was moving away from the goal when Whelan's tackle came in, it also cannot be disputed that he got Zaha's ankle rather than the ball. Zaha went down and the ref pointed to the spot. Up stepped Wickham to produce quite possibly the most thumping fucking penalty I've seen in ages. He hit that ball like it fucking owed him money. The second started off with more spice as five minutes after the restart Johnson came close with an arrowed shot that Hennessey palmed away for a defender to put clear. Seventeen minutes later Arnautovic came within an inch of levelling it when his shot skimmed off two defenders and brushed the side of the post with Hennessey (for once) well beaten. The 74^th saw Krkic somehow completely unmarked in the box and when a horde of penalty appeals went up for a foul he had only Hennessey to worry about. Unfortunately Hennessey was more than able to get low to his left to parry out the shot. Then, in the 75^th minute, what could've been the turning point of the game happened. After affording Shaquri far too much time and space on the flank to just swing in crosses, one of them bounced straight up in the air and when it came down Delaney and Whelan jumped for it. The ball missed both heads and instead came down on Delaney's arm. The referee pointed to the spot. Krkic stepped up and Hennessey nearly kept it out but it was hit too strongly. Palace then applied their own pressure and should've scored when Bolasie was put clean through when McArther cleverly dummied a Lee pass. Butland got out just in time to save. The corner led to some penalty box pinball and when it was eventually cleared as far as Lee, over twenty-five yards out, no-one expected what happened next. Lee ran onto the ball and caught it sweetly for a shot that soared into the far corner of the net. It was unbelievable and a sure-fire candidate for goal of the season. Butland, even at full stretch, could do nothing. What a fucking to seal the win. Stoke can take heart form their performance, if not the result, and will fancy that another one like this will see them rewards against a languid Man United next week. Palace will be looking to get their foot firmly in the top spots against Bournemouth.

West Brom Vs Bournemouth: Cherries bite twice as the Baggies lose their heads........

It's now three on the trot for Bournemouth. Their industrious hard-work ethic had been getting a going over in the press (and by his own board and fans too) a month back. Fast forward to today and they've racked up straight wins over Chelsea, Man United and West Brom. They've added good attacking play onto the solid team ethic and it's now paying huge dividends back in the form of nine points from games they'd no right to expect anything from. That they're doing it whilst in the midst of an injury crisis speaks volumes about the atmosphere Howe has borne into this team. West Brom, on the other hand, look just inches from a crisis. It must be incredibly disheartening to their fans that the clubs' sole aim is to stay up, there's not even a token effort to live up to the aspirations of entertaining, expansive football. Also the petulant way they went down to nine men today will not boost the flagging spirit in the dressing room. Now shorn of one of their few specialist wingers and their main goal threat until mid-January it remains to be seen how Pulis will re-jig his team to compensate. Berahino cannot play the lone striker role Pulis favours and it's clear that, after whining for weeks about how much he wanted him on loan, he would rather field ten men then put Gnabry on the pitch. There's a weird method to how Pulis uses the so-called “flair” players he has. He seems to collect them purely on the basis that everyone else has them, yet can't bring himself to field any of them, and won't consider ending the loans early to avoid paying their wages. It's baffling.

Bournemouth sure wasted no time here, Murray teeing up Stanislas for a ferocious drive that Myhill could only palm away. He wasn't catching that one, it would've broken his wrists. The match cantered around until the 34^th when a 50-50 challenge between McClean and Smith left McClean holding his foot in pain. When nothing was given he promptly got up, ran to the byline and scythed a tackle over the ball onto Smith's shins. Fuck a red card, that tackle deserved an assault charge. He walked and Brommie were down to ten. A week after calling Klopp “a bit of an idiot” for refusing to shake Pulis' hand. Karma can be a quick bitch when she wants to be. The first half with Bournemouth squandering a late chance when Ritchie was clear in the box only to head wide with the goal at his mercy. The second half would present most of the action in this game with West Brom making a rare foray into the Bournemouth box. Evans lofted in a superb ball straight to Rondon who brilliantly chested it down, turned and fired first-time a the top corner. It required a fantastic reflex save from Boruc. The 52^nd saw the first goal when Surman's diagonal long-ball found Smith wide right. He trapped the ball well and ran straight across the face of the box. With everyone expecting a pass, no-one put in a tackle, and his shot was perfectly placed into the bottom right corner. West Brom equalised in the 79^th when Dawson won a corner and Gardner swung in a great cross for McAuley to glance it in across the goal line and in off the post. The 83^rd saw Bournemouth's set-piece defending again so to shit when a floated free-kick left Dawson free and clear with a header that he somehow put wide. Bournemouth would score the defining goal five minutes later. A Bournemouth corner was well cleared to Lambert who succeeded only in getting his feet caught up and lost the ball to Gosling, who he never bothered chasing down. This left Gosling running full steam past Fletcher who's attempt to foul him outside the box was so slow they were both inside the box when he made contact. The ref pointed to the spot and Daniels smashed home the penalty. Bournemouth are looking well out of danger and are riding high and will need every ounce of drive to get past Palace next week, West Brom will need quite the Christmas miracle to see anything from Swansea.

Newcastle Vs Aston Villa: Point apiece in the monsoon rain............

Relegation haunts both of these teams like a vengeful spectre so the imperative was probably more on “don't lose” than “must win” which meant that any hope of free-flowing scintillating football today was diminished. It was snuffed out even further thanks to rain so heavy it made accurate passing next to impossible. The start of the first half bore this out as both teams lost possession without any hint of strong counter-attacking going on. Indeed the first chance came in the 28^th when Janmaat's cross was met by Cisse in the box. His header was straight at Guzan. Cisse's next act would be to injure himself chasing a lobbed pass and he replaced with Mitrovic. Mitrovic then comically missed a Sissoko cross. His improvised header, with the ball slightly behind his head, in the 36^th forced a good tip-over save from Guzan. That led to a Colback corner which bobbled it's way through every player and arrived for Colocinni completely unmarked at the back post to smash home.

The second half saw an easing in the rain and a super shot in the first minute from Vertout that Elliot needed to be good to keep out. That parry led to a Newcastle counter-attack that ended with Sissoko attempting a left-foot shot and scuffing it harmlessly wide. The 56^th saw a pivitol moment when an over-hit Janmaat cross was kept in by Wjinaldum (and the water-logged pitch) his lobbed cross fell to De Jong, unmarked and three yards out, at the back post. Somehow he headed wide. It was a chance they'd come to rue. The 60^th saw his substitution for Perez and Villa introducing Gestede. It was the latter that proved to be influential as he spurred Villa to life. He forced a tip over from Elliot with his first touch. Vertout's corner didn't make it past Colback who headed it clear to Hutton who gave it back to Vertout. He slung in another cross which found Ayew on the far corner of the box. He jinked around a tackle and shifted the ball onto his right foot and then unleashed a curling shot into the far corner of the net. A goal from no-where that kept Villa in it. Villa fought back with Gestede narrowly missing a cross that would have been a tap in. the 74^th saw Wjinaldum fluff his lines from seven yards out after being found by Perez, the resultant shot will only be classed as “on target” solely by virtue of Guzan having to pick it up. The 88^th saw Gestede latch onto a Vertout corner with a header that Elliot had be alert to tip over. Sissoko and Perez then combined in the box, in the 90^th minute, only for Perez to baloon the ball over the bar. Newcastle have Everton to contend with next week and it'll be a very unhappy Christmas if they defend this roughshod again. Villa will take this glimmer of hope (they're still bottom remember) and will seek to find some more against the Hammers.

Watford Vs Liverpool: Klopp gets it wrong as the Hornets help themselves............

Watford are flying high it has to be said. Their fourth win on the trot has seen them to within a point and some (okay, quite a bit) goal difference off the top four. In doing so they handed a dour Liverpool team a thumping that reminds them that, for all the talent and cash, they're still a work in progress. Although, after this display, quite what they're working towards or progressing to remains a mystery. True to their nickname Watford swarmed Liverpool, from the off, forcing error after error. The backline were totally unable to deal with either Deeney or Ighalo let alone both at the same time and Bogdan choose one hell of a game to produce a gaffe. He wasted no time in producing it either, the third minute, when he fumbled a Carson cross, under zero pressure and Ake simply kicked the ball in. Bogdan later claimed that he had both hands on the ball when it was kicked but he never looked even remotely confident that the ball was under his control. Watford continued hustling Liverpool all over the pitch, with Ake pretty much laying claim to the entire left flank, and the second goal was pure persistence. Deeney ran Lucas ragged and stole the ball from him and immediately clipped it over the top for Ighalo to chase. Despite Skrtel having a brief headstart he didn't count on Ighalo's persistence and the ball broke wide, Ighalo reacted first, collecting it and looping it into the far corner of the net.

Klopp started this match with no recognised strikers for some reason. It's obvious Liverpool have a goal problem as they remain the only top-ten team with a negative goal difference so quite why he started with Benteke and Origi on the bench is beyond me. Origi got on when Skrtel injured himself in the 41^st minute. This restored some fight to the team after the break and Moreno and Origi himself went close. Ibe and Benteke were subbed on in the 74^th with the hopes that simply “going for it” would produce something, anything. The second half did have a goal in it but it was for Watford as Behrami stole down the right and crossed for Ighalo in the box. He buried his header to seal the three points. Liverpool have a worrying conundrum ahead of them next week as they take on Leicester, play with no attackers again and they're doomed. Play with some and they may be handed a trouncing that'll sting far more than this one. Watford will be taking their brand-own blend of muscle and skill to Chelsea next week and they'll fancy taking all three there as well.

Arsenal Vs Manchester City: Battle of the favourites opens up a gap at the top............

This was the early one for Arsenal. Their first game against City, while undergoing their annual injury crisis, would prove their credentials as title contenders this season. Win, and they're set as favourites; lose, and they'll just be another pretender Arsenal team imploding as per usual. This was the time for Arsenal to show that they can truly mix it up and stay in the race, even when everything is going wrong for them. And how they did. Arsenal employed a tactic that suits their players to a tee, counter-attack. Utterly ruthless on the counter they showed why they are head and shoulders above all other (except maybe Leicester) when moving forward. They cut straight through the City midfield and defence at will and should've been four clear by half-time but for some, unfortunately also trademark, Arsenal profligacy. It also helps that they were up against a City team that seemed just not interested in the game and had already gone on holidays. Also, without Kompany, the central pairing of Otamendi and Mangala were, again, nothing more than 50 million worth of useless tripe. City again thought that they could defend with reckless abandon and get away with it and were punished for it. They can have noexcuses about squad depth or injuries: their bench cost more than the entire Arsenal team they faced.

Simply put, they afforded far too much space to Ozil. Without Alexis and with Ramsey and Flamini in place of Coquelin and Cazorla, it was plainly obvious that everything Arsenal planned to do was going through Ozil. Yet City refused to man-mark or even press him. Instead Toure blundered about like a race horse that's bucked it's jockey leaving Fernandinho alone to try to screen a shaky defence from Ramsey, Walcott, Campbell and Giroud whilst also contending with Ozil. No chance, pal. To make matters worse, Arsenal were set up to counter, meaning that the overloaded backline had to contend with the pure pace on the break, when most of the other players were out of position and gaps open up. On the 33^rd minute Ozil interplayed with Giroud to receive the ball in the box, he played it slightly back to Walcott on the edge who shifted onto his right and swerved the ball far corner to open the scoring. That was Ozil's 14^th assist of the season so far. He notched up No.15 twelve minutes later when he collected a shanked clearance from Mangala (who had no need to do so as he was under no pressure) and his through-ball for Giroud was so perfect that he did not even need to break stride, he rode over Otamendi's idiotic, desperate slide block and thumped the ball across the goal into the net. One of the key aspects of Arsenal's new-found forward game is a defensive stability and calmness unlike anything they've had in a while. They kept Silva under wraps meaning that anything that was going to happen was coming from De Bruyne. In an attempt to free him up some more, the two drifted right to tag-team Monreal. Ramsey's powerful running from deep was causing City all sorts of problems and he really should've scored when one-on-one with Hart only to see his shot bounce off the keepers face. City pulled one back and set a nervy endgame in place in the 83^rd minute when, of all people, Toure woke up to realise he was actually playing a match. He took the ball on the edge of the and his shot couldn't have been better placed had it been on remote control. City spurred into life and Arsenal compacted and hit on the break. The match ended with Arsenal victorious. They now take on Southampton next week for a fairly winnable (if their title claims are to have any weight) run of games. City have to go back to the drawing board and have no better team to do that against then Sunderland.