22 October, 2009

CC19: Want to ruin paradise? Allow a corporation to show you how...

Sorry for my recent lack of updates to this site as it seems while preparing to move five thousand miles away from your home can be an arduous and, quite frankly, fucking annoying task finding the time to sit down and bitch about it is rather more difficult. But since I've now settled in and gotten myself a typical boring job where the hours are more fucked up than a kid on Ritalin I'd like to get off my chest. Something which has bothered me since I settled here in paradise (that's Vancouver in case you were wondering). Corporations.

Don't get me wrong. I do normally hate corporations. But I never really saw them as beings who tried to upset every nuance of my daily existence until now. They can fucking run amok here! Absolutely everything has a monthly charge. and. i. mean. fucking.everything. Every time I take a piss I'm half expecting the toilet to ask me if I want to sign up for the "express urination package" a snip at only $25.99 per month!

Yes, while it seems that Canadians will protest pretty much anything at the drop of a hat like, say for instance, the winter games being celebrated in their country (yeah i can see how that would anger them, nations of the world coming in and marveling at the sights and sounds and activities of your beautiful country......the bastards) the fact that your bank will not only charge you for not having a certain amount of money in your account at all times somehow slipped under the radar. Also the fact that you'll be charged almost $3.00 per transaction should you have the temerity to use an ATM that's the wrong colour you fuck. And, depending on the type of account, you can also be charged for every transaction past 25 of them. In the words of the virgin Mary: What the fuck? Not only am I being charged to give you my money, I'm being charged for not giving you enough and I'm being charged every time I take some? I'm glad I don't need a loan from these fuckers! What would they want as collateral? Blood? Internal organs? (pay us back or say goodbye to your kidneys!) My soul?

How did this come to pass? (Note to Canadians reading this: No charges you for a bank account in any Euro country. Our banks know their place....until they collapse....under the weight of their own million-dollar bonus schemes..... but that's not the point.) Phone companies are even worse! Try to imagine your reaction if your phone provider had decided to tell you that they would be charging you for all incoming calls and texts. I'll repeat: incoming calls and texts. Two words: Get fucked. They'd go out of business faster than a creche sponsored by Gary Glitter. In fact, not only is it tolerated, but they compete on basis of how many free incoming minutes you get! Oh and just in case you want the name of the person calling you to come up on your screen think again! That's an extra $7. Per month. On top of the incoming minute charge. Yep even if you have your friend saved into your phone book their name won't show up unless you cough up.

They get away with this sort of rampant greed by the sheer size of the country and the sheer lack of competition.For example there are seven phone providers officially but most are owned by the same parent company so they're really competing against themselves and only one person wins in that race: them. Who loses?: you. All told there are only four providers and one is just onto the market so it's crap (virgin) another is staffed by the spawn of Satan (telus) ,one doesn't think coverage inside your own home much less the rest of the country is a necessity, (bell) and the other has quite possibly the worst marketing campaign in history (fido). (Note: there are others but they own the providers i mentioned so what's the point? Rogers is one but they own fido for instance) So four providers in one country. And did I mention it's a big-ass country?

Fuck this: I'm keeping my money in my socks and am reverting to communicating solely by post and smoke signals. Or i would if the post wasn't so fucking slow........

P.S: I would bitch about the government but that would almost criminally hypocritical as I'm from Ireland and our government is so fucking useless you could replace them with baboons high on crystal meth and no-one would notice. In fact they probably comment that they'd all gotten a lot more attractive. Even when they start flinging their own feces at each other.
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