16 March, 2009

CC7: Why Judd Apatow Needs to be stopped.........Preferably using a high-powered rifle

I just saw the trailer for what already looks like the worst movie of the year (and it's only March!) and it got me thinking as to why I've pretty much stopped going to see movies. I know you may think it's because I simply download them all thereby saving myself the hassle of actually leaving my house but you'd be wrong. I really like cinemas. I really do. Sure they serve over-priced and below-quality food (I'm not a chef but I'm sure you shouldn't be able to embed a nacho into a wall like a fucking shuriken star and proper hot-dogs, when properly cooked to perfection, shouldn't bounce) but nothing beats the thrill of seeing a fantastic movie in a cinema which has me hooked from start to finish. Sadly this happens so seldom I'm beginning to think I dreamt that sense of wonder. No the reason is: the comedy or, more specifically, the "gross-out" comedy.

The film trailer in question was for Paul Blart: Mall Cop ("the longest fat joke in history"). In which an awkward, overweight protagonist takes his job a little too seriously and makes a fool of himself but gets the chance to redeem himself when tragedy strikes and get the girl who would NEVER look at a guy like him and his kid and....... Oh Fuck this, I can't go on!. Am I the only person who seen this shit before? In fact this character, played by kevin james, (who has cornered the market on the bloated, overweight, moronic, stereotype) is a carbon copy of the character he played in Chuck & Larry ("the longest gay joke in history") which was such a blatant copy of Strange Bedfellows I'm surprised him and adam sandler didn't have aussie accents.

This rise in "wacky" (another word for shit) comedy can really be traced back to a select group of people. The following are those responsible for dumbing-down comedy to unprecedented levels.
This "Race to the bottom" is being led by, none other than, Judd Apatow. He paves the way for this deluge of mindless bullshit. It's people like him that make me pray for a nuclear firestorm even though I doubt that it would penetrate his cocooned world of pure idiocy. He is joined by his henchmen: Ben stiller, Will Ferrell and the wilson brothers. The Four horsemen of this nightmare. Each one so dedicated to re-cycling their jokes that they're all merging into a gestalt entity of pure crap.

Is it so hard to write jokes? New ones I mean, not re-write old ones. I can't be the only person who thinks the "running into a glass door" gag is done. There must be more.

In the meantime the afformentioned actors must be lined up and shot. It's for the good of us all.