12 January, 2011

CC30: Because Windows 7 Is Too Stable

This blog's motif is frankly rather hideous, and seeing as I have neither the skill, time or inclination required to fix it I figured I'd accentuate it.

So things have gotten a little bluer:
The side-bars which were still light blue have now been made the same colour as the rest of the page.
This makes the page look more like the BSOD (which I find relaxing as I have spent so much time in it's company) and has the added benefit of stopping the blog from doing that thing where it flickers light blue in the middle while loading.

(Don't get me wrong, it will still be doing that because I broke a theme when I was setting it up, you just wont see it anymore.)

I might come back and switch us to the same blue and font as the BSOD if you piss me off.

CC29:Little fockers: Yet another reason to hate children..... and Ben Stiller.....and Humanity.

2011 saw the release of "Little Fockers" (or, as it should be known from now on, "DeNiro's agent says yes to the funniest things") and we've pretty much already got a front runner for worst movie of the decade. The third (yep, third) instalment of the abysmal series dredges the bottom of the barrel yet again and manages to come up with some more high name actors willing to shame themselves for a fast pay-cheque. It's full of the general pratfall bullshit hacks come up with when they don't have the wit to write by lines.

It's rare that you can watch a movie for free and still feel robbed. As if somehow the theft goes beyond the material world and affects your soul (or should that be infects?). This was a comedy that had no jokes, just situational slapstick. There's an enema scene (guess what happens there), there's a scene where someone cuts themselves carving up a turkey (which involved a fucking HUGE amount of blood now that i think about it) and some shit involving jessica alba which will ensure she is forever typecast as a ditzy slut. This movie is so boring that it almost defies satire as nothing really happens in it.

If this movie is remembered for anything (and it will unfortunately be remembered as the highest-grossing live-action comedy EVER) it will remembered as the time the great Robert DeNiro started doing dick-jokes. Why does he keep doing this hit? He won an oscar for the fucking godfather for christs' sake! He can't need the money. They even got Dustin hoffman back into it (although not without a fight, that's probably his conscience at work) and somehhow roped Harvey, muthafuckin', Keitel into doing a part! He just comes on, shames his career, picks up his cheque and gets the fuck outta dodge. I wonder what Hollywood charges for human diginity these days.

It even parodies godfather 2: DeNiro's greatest achivement! In the film he has a heart condition and thinks over who the "transfer of power in the family" will go to and decides it's Ben stiller who will be henceforth known as.............wait for it.........................the "godfocker". Who the fuck thinks up this shit!? Even the cretins who made the god-awful "genre" movies didn't have the gall to rip on the classics! They must've drugged DeNiro to do this because there is.no.fucking.way he was shown this script and said "you mean he sticks a pin into my erect dick? That's fuckin awesome!"

What really shows the total lack of any actual writing ability is that the title references the children mainly yet they're hardly in the movie at all. In fact, they only exist to set up gags for stiller and DeNiro. They aren't really central to the plot even as the main plot involves DeNiro thinking Stiller is banging Jessica Alba (although the lengths he goes to to try and figure it out are absurd, he could've just looked at her) and that's it. Shit, I can't even watch Raging bull without being reminded of this dreck and crying my eyes out.

Next in our series "agents say yes to the funniest things" : Nic Cage in Season of the witch!........