Gameweek 12: Much ado about nothing as the Interlull looms......

So another interlull approaches like a tidal wave and threatened to sweep away all momentum teams have built up so the view this week was to end without a loss which would explain why it was such a low scoring weekend. So without much fanfare I present this weekend's low-score tripe.....

Bournemouth Vs Newcastle: When the stats and the results have a argument......

Cherries fans' are probably still wondering (as am I) how on fucking earth they lost this one. They virtually laid siege to the Newcastle goal and racked up 20 shots, 5 on target. Were it not for the heroic shift put in by Elliot this game would have been one of the most one-sided slaughters in recent history. Instead we have the most one-sided smash-and-grab in history. The stats (even for those who despise such things) tell a tale worth repeating: Bournemouth had 20 shots, 5 on target and more corners then an F1 race track (16). Newcastle had one shot off target, one shot on target (the goal) and not.....one........fucking........corner. How they manage that? How did they manage to win a game they were so toothless in that they never forced a corner? That's almost fucking impressive. Unless you were watching the game that is. Then you were witnessing one of the most negative and defensive displays of football seen outside of Manchester. They scored with their one and only attack of any merit on the 27^th minute and shut up shop thereafter. Bournemouth will be left wondering how much a new striker is needed now, given their lack of any bite in finishing off Newcastle. One wonders at how much fun Wilson would've had today, had he not wrecked his ligaments.

Not much if Elliot had anything to say about it. The keeper has rescued his team twice in two matches. His fine save last week prevented a loss and nabbed Newcastle a point, here he grabbed all three single-handedly with a superb solo performance. Not that the players in front of him helped him out much. King, Ritchie and the preposterously named Stanislas pretty much had the run of the final third and Artur laid waste to any semblance of midfield play Newcastle tried to get going. Their one foray into the Bournemouth final third resulted in a goal when Mitrovic back-heeled to Wjinaldum and he found Perez who left Gosling for dead and slotted home without a single challenge put in. Maybe the Bournemouth defence were so shocked at seeing a Newcastle player in their half they mistook him for a pitch-invader and were wondering when the stewards were going to come out and spear-tackle him. Bournemouth then proceeded to pepper the Newcastle goal with King forcing four saves in the first half alone. They routinely ghosted past the defence, but just could not beat Elliot. Newcastle now leap-frog their opponents out of the relegation zone for the first time in Christ knows how long and will take on Leicester who will be praying that Newcastle offer up as many chances to Vardy and Co who will have a field day. Bournemouth travel to one of the few teams in a bigger rut than themselves in Swansea and will be desperate for all three points.

Leicester Vs Watford: Vardy's beady eyes on history as Leicester sting the Hornets....

Given how tactically superb both managers are and how well both teams have been doing (one much more so than the other) this game promised to be an interesting one. Flores has made a well-drilled defence the hallmark of this Watford side as he looks to be the first team to stop Vardy this season. He wisely realised that, to properly stop Vardy, you have to stop Mahrez too. This they accomplished with aplomb. Were it not for the penalty, Vardy's sole effort in this game would have one long-range effort from around twenty yards out. Mahrez too, was gamely shut down for the most part and it wasn't until the tactical shift to a 4-4-2 at half-time that he was able to get out of the dead-end he'd been forced into and to allow him to focus on ruining Ake's day. Vardy too benefited from this as it gave him another strike partner in Okazaki to help him out. Then, in the 52^nd minute, the match turned. Gomes faced a shot from Kante that he could've saved with an arm tied behind his back and let it spill through his fingers in a comical flashback to his error-strewn days at Spurs.

After that the game was gone, Gomes was shot. His next major contribution, 13 thirteen minutes later, was to steam off his line and clear out Vardy just inside his own box. He was booked (maybe he was hoping for a red to end his suffering) and Vardy dispatched the penalty himself to leave one goal off a record. Watford were spirited in the fight-back but the heads were down until Kante idiotically fouled Paredes in the box 15 minutes from time to give Watford a lifeline back into the game when Deeney slotted home. Leicester, however, have made too many comebacks to be victim to one themselves and clung on for the win. Their trip to Newcastle, based on the today's games should be a lop-sided goalfest and Vardy should be odds-on to equal the league record for ten goals in ten games. Watford will need to dust themselves off and focus on the positives from this performance and, if they do, they've got a good chance against a fairly poor United team in two weeks time.

Manchester United Vs West Brom: Do the ends really justify the means?...........

Manchester United racked up another win and ended their four-and-a-half hour long goal drought in the league in doing so. While the 2-0 scoreline points to a unanimous, or if not at least majority, victory the game itself could not be called that by any stretch of the imagination. And an imagination is what you would need to class the football played today as anything other than turgid, lifeless dreck. It's a funny thing amongst football fans; many would claim to be happy to win games playing badly, many less are happy to watch it happen or stay silent while it does. Granted, not one would gripe should United go on to win the league with this brand of sedative football but not one would also say that they stood a chance of doing so. United came into this match having not scored since the 17^th of October and a Pulis team is not the best foil against which to try to jump-start a run of goals. Yet it was West Brom who found themselves shut out, they failed to register a single shot on target the entire game while United had two, both leading to goals.

Given that West Brom came set up to defend and hit on the break it's no surprise that United had the lion's share of the possession and looked more likely to score. West Brom were probably thinking that if they could take a 0-0 draw into half time the pressure would mount on United and they'd start to open up and while they succeeded at going into the break at 0-0 United did not open up as they'd hoped. Rather they stayed inside their own shell and looked increasingly to their few remaining flair players to conjure up something that would inspire. It duly happened twelve minutes after the re-start when Lingard caught onto a cleared Martial cross. He took his time and curled in a superb shot inside the far left post. This called time on the United goal drought which had hit four hours and twenty minutes when Lingard struck. West Brom, now with the game to chase, began to actually play, albeit still rather poorly. On the 74^th they should've equalised when Dawson's cross landed straight onto Berahino's head. Somehow the striker conspired to put the ball over despite being smack in front of the goal with only De Gea in front of him. It was a chance Rondon would surely have put away. It was the closest West Brom got to scoring in the entire game. Then to ice the cake Martial was tripped in the box by McAuley, who was sent packing as a result, and Mata stuck away the penalty. United will have to re-coup after the internationals and will travel to Watford and West Brom will hope to have sorted out their striking issues by the time their game against Arsenal comes around.

Norwich Vs Swansea: Late Canary strike heaps the pressure on the Swans..........

Having not won a game since August it was hoped that Monk could revive his team's sagging form, that burned so brightly at the start of the season, against a Norwich team that had been under-performing as of late having lost their last four games. The Swans 3-0 loss to Arsenal last week had dented their confidence that they can still mix it with the bigger teams, especially considering the amount of success they've had against the Gunners in the past. A win here, even scrappy one, would have provided his team a much-needed boost going into the Interlull. While the win was scrappy it was not for the Swans. Norwich utilised a version of the system Arsenal used to beat Swansea, conceded huge amounts of possession, pressing hard in their half and then flooding forward whenever the ball was released. While Norwich cannot boast players anywhere near the calibre Swansea faced last week, the system worked as they gave up almost two-thirds of the ball but had five shots on target and completely restricted their opponents to none.

What will really worry Monk, however, is the nature of the loss. He had fielded a full-strength team replete with all his key players and they couldn't muster up one shot on goal, nor even look like they capable of doing so. Instead they played straight into Norwich's hands. They may claim total control of the ball but they lacked any kind of edge in the final third and were left to blasting the ball high or wide, which they did eight times. Norwich implemented their game-plan to perfection and Swansea looked like a team that desperately lack a Plan B. In fact, Swansea were lucky to get as far as the 70^th minute before conceding a goal. In the 9^th minute Jerome somehow managed, when under no pressure whatsoever either from time or defenders, to head over from less than six yards out when he met a sweet cross from Brady. Norwich have received a lot of flak recently for playing possession football and still losing so it looks like going for the opposite works more for them. They looked by far the more threatening on the ball, even if they didn't have it for two minutes out of every three. As far as Swansea are concerned this was three simple points flushed down the drain and a malaise has set in that's going to be hard to shift if results don't pick up. It's certain Monk will see the end of the season but, past that, it's difficult to imagine him being given as much time as he has. They re-start against Bournemouth and will really hope for three points or, at least, a better performance. Norwich will head to Chelsea and, given the injured state of the current champions, will fancy their chances of coming away with something.

Sunderland Vs Southampton: Big Sam given a reminder of his workload.....

On form, Sunderland were almost destined to lose this one. Despite all the improvements made by Allerdyce, particularly in defence, the fact remains that he's now lost three of his four in charge and is already battling against relegation. The sheer scale of this battle, however, is yet to be revealed. The scant 1-0 (penalty goal and all) betrays the game that was actually played and the scoreline is probably representative of how much Soton underestimated the previously shambolic pairing of Coates and Kaboul with M'Vila excellently screening the central defensive pair. They cut out most of the threat and and Pantillimon was more than able for whatever else made it through. All this praise for the defense, however, stands in stark contrast to the other two areas, midfield and attack. The midfield was so thin that Clasie and Tadic could afford to put on a show of sorts and with Fletcher almost totally isolated, Soton could afford to pour forward. It's telling that Stekelenburg's only proper save (by proper I mean he had to move for it) was a deflected shot from Johnson.

Southampton ruled this game. They moved the ball fluidly and with purpose when they had it and pressed hard when they didn't have it. Tadic and Clasie had the run of midfield and it was plain sailing on most of the pitch. The Sunderland defence, re-worked after the calamitous 6-2 loss to Everton, was solid and left little to no space for the Southampton invaders. Bertrand was a constant menace, surging up-field with even more than his usual vigour, which almost certainly resulting in the game's turning point. Sunderland had managed to last almost 70 minutes of Southampton camped outside their box and seemed to going good for a point when Bertrand broke into the box. He was awkwardly positioned, however, and posed virtually no threat and could've been marshalled off the pitch with the ball with ease. Instead M'Vila, who had been impeccable up to that point, lunged in wildly and took him out. The ref had no hesitation in pointing to the spot. Tadic stepped up and put the penalty away nicely. It was yet another mistake that cost Sunderland points. Previously it was a case of nerves (and an unfamiliar back three formation) which led to their destruction to Everton and Pantillimon fucked up to hand the points to West Brom. Surely Allerdyce's next task, having re-vamped the defence, is to eliminate these game-changing mistakes. Away to Palace next next isn't ideal but it'll have to do if he wants to keep Sunderland up. Southampton host Stoke next and will find this a much tougher encounter than today.

Everton Vs West Ham: Points shared in a cagey affair...............

Anyone hoping for a clash of two razor-sharp attacks would be disappointed by this game. Or anyone stupid enough to hope for such a thing anyway. A quick overview of both teams attacking approaches would see two teams set up to counter-attack each other. Stale wasn't really the word for this game even though both goals were quite well built. Everton sat quite deep, with Barry and McCarthy screening the back four and not committing their full-backs forward, they kept a solid wall and offered little in attack. Should Martinez have aspirations of finishing in a European match place, he'll have to re-think his approach to games like this. West Ham will be leaving this game with a sense of loss after losing Payet and Valencia to injuries. Payet will almost ceratinly be out for months after getting on the receiving end of a hard, scissor challenge from McCarthy. How they'll cope with his loss remains to be seen given how pivitol he's been for West Ham's top table finishing hopes.

The first goal came after half an hour of two blunt counter-attacks meeting each other. Stones, by far the best player on the pitch, blocked a Moses cross and cleared it only as far as Lanzini. Given he was almost 30 yards out it could be reasoned that the lack of pressure on him was justified. Then he made up five yards, dipped and launched the ball into the top corner. It was really excellent and will certainly be a staple of some high-light reels for years to come. The goal did nothing to change the nature of the game though. Despite being a goal done, Everton did not surge forward in search of an equaliser like West ham had probably been hoping. Instead they waited until it came out of the same nowhere the West Ham goal came from. Deulofeu picked the ball up after McCarthy had dispossessed Payet and he showed just how good he can really be (when he stays on his fucking feet) by threading an inch-perfect pass for Lukaku to leave him one-on-one with Adrian. He calmly rounded the keeper and slotted home. The second half petered out with only two injuries first to Payet and the to Valencia, his replacement, to break up the monotony. Everton take on Villa next and will need to be more adventurous if their European club hopes are to become more than just a dream and West Ham will have to limp to Spurs having lost two of their best midfielders.

Stoke Vs Chelsea: The walking dead feast on the brains of the champions..........

The last time Chelsea lost three on the trot was 1999 and the oil billions that bought the clubs success were a pipe-dream and the last time Mourinho lost seven in a season was........well...never. While their performances of late have been dire it was assumed that would not fall to the lowest scoring team in the league, Stoke went into this match with only nine goals from eleven games. Although you wouldn't think that given how Stoke attacked this game. This was the game that the re-assembled “new-and-improved” Stoke clicked in. Shaquiri, in particular, showed why he was such a world-class talent years ago with a stunning game. He turned Rahman inside out and generally gave Chelsea a torrid time until the last fifteen minutes. Shawcross too gave a good account of himself, perfectly containing Costa and not rising to his antics. Butland as well had a fine game saving well twice, one was quite good, tipping over a volley from Ramires.

The funny thing is that this is not the worst Chelsea have played this season. Their surge in the last fifteen minutes had Stoke pinned back in their half and defending for their lives but it was a case “too little, too late”. Stoke had outpassed them and had the much better game and went into the break on top, performance-wise if not score-wise. They remedied that eight minutes after the re-start. Shaquiri clipped a lovely ball for Johnson to plough past Rahman and cross in, Walters tied up Zouma in the box and the ball bobbled out to Arnatovic. He opened up and cracked in a volley for the goal. Stoke then held the lead until the end, weathering a spell of heavy Chelsea pressure towards the end which sparked memories of the Chelsea from last season at a cantor. But it was not to be a Chelsea now sit two places above the relegation zone. They've got Norwich visiting next and it's generally hoped that Chelsea should put them away but nothing can be certain right now with them. Stoke take on Southampton and will be hoping the team spirit here does not evaporate over the interlull.

Aston Villa Vs Manchester City: The Money Team fire blanks as Villa cling on for dear life...

Villa have improved under Garde, there's no denying that. He recalled four Ligue 1 players for this game, the three Jordans and Gueye. Their impact was obvious but even more obvious were the deficiencies in this Villa team particularly down the left flank. Navas is difficult to keep up with on the best of days but today he had a fucking field day. He pretty much staked out a spot on the left flank for so long Villa could've been entitled to charge him rent. Given how toothless Villa are in attack right now, he could afford to neglect his defensive duties to some degree. Amavi couldn't afford to and, yet, he for some reason did. He's far too attack-minded for a team with this frail a defence and it was pure luck and City profligacy that spared Villa a thumping. Many City fnas will look back on this game and wonder how it would've went had they a full-strength team to choose from.

Not that the City players on the pitch could complain, Villa were as gracious a host as they could be without raising match-fixing suspicions. Twice City players found themselves totally unmarked with only Guzan to beat. The key chance falling to Sterling whose bullet header from four yards out bounced straight off Guzan's face. De Bruyne hashed his chance also and City were looking quite desperate for a goal by time Delph came on in the 75^th minutes to a chorus of hissing boos and a horde of Villa supporters waving inflatable snakes at him. But Garde's men clung on and achieved some sense of stability when they chucked Gestede on towards the end. The match dragged it's way towards a 0-0 scoreline and Villa can be happy with the result, less so the performance. But a point against the league leaders when the expectation was that they would get trounced will be a welcome one and will, hopefully, lay the foundations for a campaign to get out of the relegation zone. They have a potentially tricky encounter with Everton next. City will play Liverpool next in what will surely be a fucking monster of a game with huge expectations.

Arsenal Vs Spurs: The Gunners walking wounded hold out for a point.....

North London derbies are the most hotly contested games, yet this one threatened, at times, to be the damp squib to ruin the atmosphere. The timing certainly couldn't be worse for Arsenal. They carried ten first-team injuries into this game and one of the weakest benches seen at the Emirates in a long time. Not only that but with Cazorla struck down with an illness and unable to play past half-time, the lack of options available to Arsenal is becoming a concern. Hopefully the interlull provides some respite but it seems unlikely. The annual Arsenal injury crisis has made itself known and the weeks prior to the bumper Christmas schedule will the make or break moment for their title hopes. Indeed, any hope that they may have been given an easy game today due to Spurs playing their third game in six days was obliterated almost instantly. Spurs were sharper, faster and had more energy, somehow. Playing such a young has it's benefits it seems. It also has it's weaknesses and they showed up towards the end of the game where Spurs could very easily have lost a game they dominated.

They say that a true champion doesn't always play well (that's impossible) but always gets results. It's been a common stick used to beat Arsenal that if they can't win their way, they'd almost prefer to lose rather than adjust a grind out a point or three. That can be partially dispelled here. Spurs were on the front foot practically from the first whistle and it was obvious Arsenal had just not shown up. Cech seemed to be the only player who had decided that the occasion called for some effort. Erikson went close early on and a narrowly wide header from an unmarked Dier. Alli and Dembele ran the midfield with Cazorla a total passenger, in fact, it was amazing he even made it to half-time such was his performance. Kane's goal was inevitable, however, and his composure was great. Half-time saw Flamini on for Cazorla to restore some semblance of solidity to the Arsenal team as it looked to start unravelling. It worked to a degree and Arsenal withstood the pressure for the next twenty or so minutes with Cech again proving the difference with some stellar saves. Gibbs came on as a left-winger to highlight the paucity of depth in the current squad and duly scored the equaliser. His finish probably owed more to Lloris fucking up rather but it'll count nonethelss. Then Arsenal got themselves together and started to play. Giroud narrowly missed two sitters of headers which could've stolen the game (for stolen is the only word to use there) and the game ended all square. Spurs host the Hammers next and that superb midfield will meet a sterner challenge there than here. Arsenal will hope to have more players back for the visit to West Brom to ensure they remain in the title race.