09 December, 2015

Gameweek 15: Premier league....proof that the Matrix is breaking and we all need take the fucking blue pill....

Well that was some week. It was a good one for the nutty bets, with almost every top teams losing points and the ones that didn't somehow looking like they wanted to. Leicester are now top by two and how Arsenal must be ruing those dropped points to West Brom and Norwich and they nearly added Sunderland to that list this week too. Man City were torn apart by Stoke in a game that resembled a game of FIFA that's been allowed to run non-stop for 10 or 15 years and now makes no sense, Chelsea were well fucking beaten by Bournemouth with a result that sent howls of laughter around the league and Liverpool had “one of those days” against Newcastle. Man United were the only other consistency at the top but, unfortunately, that's just them being consistently shit and boring and they were very lucky to escape with a point when West Ham ran them ragged. Here's the breakdown of this weeks action:

Stoke Vs Manchester City: The walking dead claim a major scalp as City go brainless......
There was one question on everyone's (who wasn't a City fan) lips after the early game concluded: City really can't be missing Kompany this badly, can they? Granted they were without Toure and Aguero too but they've a plethora of attacking talent to replace him and they've not had much trouble racking up the score recently. It's the losses at the back that really seem to be killing City right now. Without Kompany they don't just seem nervous, they seem lost. It's as if the defence literally cannot remember how to play football without him. The malaise spreads further forward too as the bewilderingly awful Fernando continues to get game time. He's one of the purely useless players City have in their squad, completely unable to play his position in every regard. None of this is to detract from just how well Stoke, Shaquiri and Arnautovic in particular, played. There's a saying in Boxing: “You can only fight the guy in front of you” and Stoke had to contend with this feeble facsimile of City and they duly shredded it to pieces.

City conceded after seven minutes but the result had been long signposted even by that early marker. Shaquiri was given acres of space and no pressure was put on him by the useless Fernando. Shaquiri simply waltzed past him, headed for the byline and slung his cross in around the badly out of position Kolorov. Arnautovic's run was not checked by Demichelis and his finish left Hart no chance. The second arrived eight minutes later when Cameron held off Kolorov on the right flank and his ball inside to Shaquiri was skillfully turned around his hapless marker, Fernando again, he sprinted goal-wards and threaded a sublime through ball for Krkic. Krkic missed it but Arnautovic was to his right and the ball reached him, he finished it inside the left post. Half an hour later, Arnautovic squandered his Hat-trick chance when Whelan was put down the left flank thanks to some skill by Krkic and his ball was straight onto Arnautovic's head, eight yards out and completely unmarked. His ball beat Hart completely but drifted just an Inch wide of the post. Kolorov hit the post with a rare foray forward but that was as good as City got for the whole game. Just before the break, Shaqiri put Arnautovic through one-on-one only for his foot to slip just as he pulled the trigger and the ball smashed off the post. The second half brought more of the same with Arnautovic, Shaquiri and Krkic all missing gild edged chances to tot up the score. City were lucky with 2-0 and really should've been humiliated in this game. Their only good news will be that their opponents next week, Swansea, will lack the cutting edge Stoke showed although anything less than a win against one of the most hapless team right now will send alarm bells ringing at the Etihad. Stoke will hope for more of the same against West Ham next week.

Arsenal Vs Sunderland: The Injury ravaged Gunner scrape a badly needed win......
Don't let the scoreline fool you, this game could've, very easily, ended up so much worse for Arsenal. Arsenal jumped from nervy to sluggish to exceptional within the same minute at times. The nature of this win will not leave many happy, but the fact that Arsenal are second now with a win will soothe many complaints. For all the “walking wounded” talk surrounding Arsenal they were still able to field a very good team today with Oxlade-Chamberlain back and Campbell playing very well. Ramsey saw the return to central midfield that he's always wanted (and where he plays his best), and thanks to injuries he'll be there for a while at least, it remains to be seen how much balance this Arsenal team have with nine first-team players out long-term. Sunderland lined up 4-5-1 with an onus on clogging up the midfield and not allowing Ozil any space whatsoever. They succeeded with the first point, failed with the second.

Yet it was Sunderland who looked, at the beginning at least, the far more threatening. Four minutes in Whatmore fed a pass to Borini that checked off the entire defence. Borini's shot was well saved by Cech. Whatmore again fed Borini, five minutes later, and while he shot this time was better it was still well saved by Cech. The feeling amongst the home crowd was when Sunderland would score, not if. Then Ozil conjured up his usual piece of magic for his twelfth assist of the season. Ramsey fed Giroud who laid it back to Ozil who swerved in a super inside ball that still left Campbell with a lot to do. He was more than capable and his finish was calm and precise. The sense of relief in the stadium was huge. It was to swiftly replaced by the usual sour atmosphere just before half-time when Koscielny stupidly fouled Whatmore near the sidelines. M'Vila sent in a curling ball that missed the intended targets at the near post, then Giroud threw in his leg and hit the ball top corner off his shin. It was a very Arsenal thing indeed. The second half kicked off with much of the same when Fletcher fired a low shot that Cech palmed out and the resultant corner was almost prodded home but for a stunning goal line save. Then Arsenal began to assert themselves and not a moment too fucking soon either. Again Ozil pulled the strings near the right side of the Sunderland box and Monreal ran through the defence. He passed the ball to Ramsey who floated in a ball that perfectly picked out the run of Giroud. He got in front of his marker and his diving header left Pantillimon no chance. With Walcott on for the last twenty minutes and a goal ahead, Arsenal had a sense of impetus. Giroud had a ball cleared off the line by Yedlin. Then, just before the end, a series of ricochets led to Ramsey stabbing the ball home from three yards out to confirm the three points. Arsenal have a mid-week game that they need to win and then they have Villa next weekend. Sunderland will take heart from their performance here and will hope for more against Watford.

Manchester United Vs West Ham: Boring, boring United limp to their sixth 0-0.........
No Rooney, no problem. United don't seem to need him listing around the pitch like a ship with a hole in the hull scuffing chance after chance to be boring. It seems the rest of the players are more than capable of stinking up the place all on their own as the boos that ringed Old Trafford attested to at full time. United racked up 21 shots with only that solitary “1” being on target. Think about that for a second ,at home, Man united could only muster one shot that managed to reach the keeper in 90 minutes. Against a massed defence and an opposition that never ventured past the half way line, you'd forgive that and chalk it up to the other team spoiling play because they were more afraid of losing than attempting to win. But the Hammers didn't sit back, they took the game to United on numerous occasions and Moses really should've scored when he was put through one-on-one after Blind took his name to heart and passed straight to Noble. Thankfully De Gea has read it and got out in time to stop Moses and preserve their sixth 0-0 this season......SIXTH?! Can I remind you that there's only been 15 fucking games so far?!?!?!

The signs really were there from the start that this game would take on the guise of all the previous ones. United lined up in a 4-4-1-1 formation with Fellaini just behind Martial for his aerial “prowess” and his own brand of chaos. Unfortunately it's not the type of chaos that causes defences to scatter like frightened birds but rather the type that ends up in highlight reels to the soundtrack of mocking laughter and cries of “can you believe they paid nearly 30 million for him!! He's shit!!”. The lack of goals at United gets decidedly highlighted when all the players they've loaned out keep scoring goals. Since October, Hernandez has slotted home 11 times, the entire United team have managed 10. This is not to put a damper on West Ham who had, by far, more chances and the more clear-cut chances to score and really should've done so. Bilic will look back on the losses of Lanzini and Moses (pulled up in this match) and how the loss of such talent will affect his teams goalscoring. From today, it looks like they'll struggle to score. But the Hammers defended well with Reid putting in his best shift ever in what was, essentially, a “Plan B” West ham team with over a third of their players gone. Nevertheless a point (at old trafford no less) was welcome and the Hammers will take on Stoke next weekend in a game that will certainly not end up 0-0. United will travel to Bournemouth who will anxious to rack up their second big scalp in as many games...

Southampton Vs Aston Villa: Mis-firing saints hand dying Villa a point.........
A broken watch is still right twice a day as the saying goes and it seems a broken team can still cause an upset or two. Especially this season which is the most open in probably a decade and the silly sauce is being consumed in bulk quantities. Going by past performances this season, Soton should've racked up a cricket score against a team that has had the will to live kicked out of them and languish at the bottom of the table and are sure favourites to be relegated. Soton were on a three game losing streak prior to this game and may have taken Villa a little too lightly, understandable given that they annihilated Villa 6-1 in this fixture last season with Mane racking up the quickest hat-trick in history in the process. Today, however, they encountered two obstacles: a stunning lack of finishing and a Villa with a little more backbone than we're used to seeing.

Still Soton should've been one up inside the first minute when Mane cut back a pass to Tadic only for him to blaze the shot over from less than 12 yards out. Then came a series of errant shooting that could only be described as downright sloppy with Pelle, Wanyama and Mane himself either heading wide or ballooning shots over. Fonte failed to score but at least he got his shot on target and it had to be cleared off the line. Soton were cutting through Villa with ease in every part of the pitch, in defence Villa were all over the place and the midfield seemed to have contracted a lethal allergy to tackling. It was a full half-hour before Villa had their first attempt with Vertout crossed for Gestede 15 yards out. He duly scuffed it. Then, after yet more fluffed Soton attempts, Villa scored. Lescott decided to not just be a source of some slack defending but to instead take advantage of some and got the ball in after a good Vertout corner. The goal galvanised the spirit of the team and they began putting on a more polished performance, while still riding their luck. Soton had an excellent chance to equalise when Juanmi was put through one-on-one yet Guzan saved. But Villa could not hold out and Romeu stabbed home a Ward-Prowse corner in the 73rd minute. The match petered out to the end with yet more scuffed chances and wasted opportunities but, in fairness, neither team really deserved to win this one. Soton will hope to sort out their finishing issues by the time they visit Palace next week and Villa will be hoping Arsenal are feeling just as generous when they come to town next weekend.

Swansea Vs Leicester: The Foxes cement top spot by crushing the Swans..........
For once, the story was not about Vardy. Despite the obvious headline fodder resulting from his inability to equal the all-time goal scoring streak most of the coverage centred on, deservedly, the “other” Leicester player: Mahrez. In a rampant Leicester display he was easily the standout player. Him and Vardy now have 24 goals this season on their own, Manchester United have 20. They've built a team solely around the concept of pace and finishing and it has paid dividends for them. They utterly tore Swansea apart and the 3-0 scoreline (2-0 at half-time) is hugely flattering. The Swans are now firmly in the midst of a crisis and the vultures must be circling. Including the cup, they've won only one game in their last twelve and they've failed to score in eight of those. They've completely broken down from front to back and seem unable to string more than three passes together. They could've been 5-0 down by half-time today and will reckon that only the pressure on Vardy to make it 12 in 12 that stopped it from becoming a total drubbing.

Leicester started it off five minutes in when a stupidly conceded corner allowed Albrighton to serve in from the left, over the cluster at the front post and Mahrez shaded Gomis to scuff it home. Vardy was through one-on-one four minutes later but Fabianski closed the angle down well and saved. The second goal came from another break forward when Vardy laid the ball to the excellent Kante. His diagonal ball found Mahrez who side-footed home. Swansea brought on Montero at half-time and while it did restore some semblance of coherence to the team it could not right the huge amounts of wrongs going on. Fifteen minutes after the re-start Mahrez netted his hat-trick and put the game beyond any doubt. Kante marauded forward and found Vardy just outside the box. He eschewed his chance to shoot and instead passed to Mahrez on his right who finished the ball into the bottom left. Leicester are now two clear at the top and, with everyone just beneath them having European commitments, they look set to remain there. Although they're now embarking upon their “tough run” of fixtures that will really see them distinguish themselves. They have a dour Chelsea next though. Swansea will be looking for drastic action between now and the January window and Monk may be leaving soon. Another performance like this, against Manchester City, and Monk will be the first casualty of their woeful campaign.

Watford Vs Norwich: Hornets avenge old losses for three much-needed points.....
Another team with a prolific (albeit slightly less so) strike team partnership is Watford. In Deeney and Ighalo they have a duo that has accounted for 14 of the 17 goals Watford have so far. Important is too small a word. They've been firmly ensconced in mid table and that just where they like it, watching from afar while the relegation battle rips apart the teams below them. They've certainly got the team to help them in that regard. While Norwich didn't exactly play out of their skins today, Watford were all over them and the score really should've been higher. Ighalo, in particular, could've had a hat-trick as Norwich were completely unable to deal with him. Bassong had a torrid time trying to contain Deeney and Ighalo gave him the kind of afternoon that probably made him question if football is the right career for him. Norwich are now in a bit of a bind having only one win from their last ten games. The team they have is better than that dismal run of form and if they don't start getting it together they'll find themselves picked clean by the end of the season.

That all said, it was Norwich who started this game the better. After half an hour they were on the back foot, their afternoon typified by the sight of Tettey dicking around with the ball near his own box and being dispossessed by Capoue. He charged back to try to win the ball back and only succeeded in hauling down Ighalo in the box. Deeney dispatched the penalty. Ighalo would himself find the net in the dying moments of the game, ghosting past Bassong after being put in by Deeney, after having a goal wrongly ruled out earlier. In an unusual move, Neil decided to heap the criticism on certain players, Brady for instance, and start complaining about the playing surface rather than just admit to the fact that his team were outplayed. He'll have to dig deeper for the excuses next week when they welcome Everton and Watford will travel to Sunderland with hopes to three more points.

West Brom Vs Spurs: One apiece in a game of two halves........
Spurs have equalled a record today by going unbeaten since almost the start of the season and it was due to some grit and the hands of Lloris. Pulis teams have a knack for dogged defending and West Brom are no different but it was interesting to see how they dealt with the high press employed by Spurs. They weathered it, equalised and then built up a head of steam which kept Spurs on the back foot for most of the second half. Spurs are winning plaudits for the amount of points they've amassed but not too many, they still wish to remain under the radar while the four or five teams ahead of them wipe each other out while Spurs contend with the Europa league fixtures. It was hot and cold today for Spurs; here they failed to turn the sheer amount of possession into more than one goal, yet they'll be pleased with the stalwart manner in which they repelled the West Brom late surge. West Brom will be pleased with the point and the recent performances of some players, notably McClean and Rondon.

Spurs were first to the scoresheet today with Alli latching onto a Alderweireld diagonal long ball by running inbetween his tow markers and volleying the ball through Myhill's legs. It was back and forth for a bit when ,in the 39th, some nice interplay between Sessegnon and Fletcher led to Fletcher swinging in a cross for McClean to head home to notch his first West Brom goal. The second half saw a West Brom going for the kill. Having seen off Spurs' rivals two weeks ago they looked hungry for another north London club scalp. Olsson forced Lloris into a ridiculous fingertip save from six yards out while Rondon dithered too much in the box and Walker slid clear. But West Brom will be happy knowing they came to fight and found they could really mix it with the bigger teams on their day. They've another big team to take on next week in Liverpool and more of this kind of fight could see another upset at Anfield. Spurs will seek to extend their record against Newcastle next week.

Chelsea Vs Bournemouth: Upset supreme as the plucky underdogs flog the dead horse....
Oh how this was too perfect for this league. In a season marked out by the sheer lunacy of it's results, Chelsea losing to Bournemouth was considered a step too far. There was no way this could occur, it was just too crazy. But the indomitable fact remains, you cannot play this badly and expect to win. And if Chelsea are considering themselves unlucky and in a dire state, they need only look to the victors today to see how things could be worse. Bournemouth came into this on the back of a nine game winless streak and ravaged by injuries to an almost Arsenal-like degree, no-one expected them to do anything more than put up a fight and go down swinging. They walked away with all three points. Surely this result points to a malaise in Chelsea that runs far deeper than anyone could've guessed. While complaints will pour in that Murray (only on the pitch for less than two minutes) may have been offside when the cross came in the fact remains that the cross should nvere have reached him .

Chelsea's issue stem from a alack of drive to get forward and produce goals. They've roughly half the number they had this time last season and Costa has a third as many. Yet the goalscoring duties do not fall on his shoulders alone, although the stunning lack of alternatives certainly isn't helping matters. Hazard and Remy, his chief backup, have yet to find the net at all this season, fuck even Falcao has one. Finding it so difficult to score puts extra pressure on whenever they go behind or are goalless coming towards the end of a game. They laboured throughout this game and it took a while for Bournemouth to build up the belief that they could actually win this. They gamely held their own till half time, when Costa was subbed on, and had to be smart to deal with the succession of crosses slung low into their box. One touch and they were in, yet Bournemouth never stopped hitting back. Their reward came in the 82nd when Courtois flapped at Cook's cross and no-one picked up Murray who headed in. Chelsea are now only three points off relegation and are up against Leicester next who will hoping that Chelsea play this badly next week. Bournemouth take this much-needed shot in the arm for the visit of Manchester United a point or more from that and their season will be well and truly turned around.

Newcastle Vs Liverpool: The new Klopp order shown up by McClarens trailer park boys...
Crunch time for McClaren today and a game against a resurgent Liverpool was not what he would've wanted. Klopp had gotten his team playing with tenacity and verve in recent times and their mid-week destruction of a full-strength Southampton team was the calm before the goal storm in many people's eyes. So full credit must go to Newcastle, Wijnaldum in particular, and McClaren for a gutsy win and a golden get-out-of-jail-free card. Rumours circled before the game that he had two matches to save his job. He only needed one. A different result may have occurred had Moreno's 79th minute volley stood as it was incorrectly ruled out for offside but one poor decision does not a match make. Liverpool lacked the urge going forward and mustered only one shot on target the entire game.

Mind you, one shot on target was all Newcastle managed too and it only occurred in extra time. But it went in and that's the important part. While a modicum of bad luck could be levelled for the first goal, it was a delightful piece of skill that produced the second and Liverpool can have no other complaints other than they were second-best. The fault lay mainly in the tactics. Milner and Ibe were fielded as wingers and while Ibe strengths lie on the flanks, Milners does not. He's much better played through the centre. Benteke looked too isolated too frequently without the sublime service offered to him by Countinho and Sturridge, both out through injury. This meant long balls, and lots of them but Newcastle couldn't just relax. They'll walk away knowing that, while they dealt with everything sent their way, a better finisher would've slaughtered them today for some of the errant passing on display. The own goal came in the 69th minute when Newcastle had been asserting themselves since the restart. Sissoko slung in a cross that Wijnaldum got his foot too. Unfortunately his connection was garbage and the ball was heading wide when it hit Skrtel on the thigh and looped past Migonlet. Moreno's disallowed strike came ten minutes later and the headds went down afterwards. Then, at the death, Sissoko shrugged off Moreno and galloped forward before releasing Wijnaldum to cheekily dink the ball over Migonlet and nail the lid shut on the game. Liverpool have their usual Europa exertions before the visit of West Brom at the weekend, Newcastle will seek to bottle this renewed vigour and release it again at Spurs.
blog comments powered by Disqus