This
weekend marks the start of officially the most insane schedule in all
of world sports: The premier league Christmas rumble. While every other
league is giving their teams most of Christmas off to rest,
recuperate and be with their loved ones, the premier league is saying
“Fuck that shit, we pay you chimps to play so you'll fucking play”.
This bank balance management leads to teams playing games on the 26th
through to the 30th and onto the 3rd. So enjoy
this weekend as it's the last time most players will get to have the
guts of a week off in-between matches for a while. So let's crack
into this weekend while the league prepares to crack the
whip..........................
Chelsea Vs Sunderland: Headless team of prima-donnas trundle
pathetic Sunderland.....
Chelsea's first match without Mourihno (again) was a loaded one. Win
and look good and they'd be denounced as mercenaries who revolted
against a popular ( popular amongst Chelsea fans, anyway) manager,
lose and they'd still be denounced as it would confirm they
really are as shit as they've been making out. So Chelsea's only hope
is to scrape a win and not look too convincing whilst doing so. Pity
they were up against one of the few teams playing worse football then
them. Sunderland are coming off the back of two losses (after winning
twice on the trot) and are firmly locked into a relegation battle
already. Hilariously they go into a match against the current
champions only two place below them and looking like they could
possibly get something here. Sadly Sunderland were Sunderland and
contrived to give Chelsea everything, including a few scares. Even as
the Chelsea fans loudly booed their own players, Sunderland managed
to be worse. For the new guy, Hiddink (again), it was not a match
that would tell him anything other than how toxic the atmosphere is
currently at Chelsea with three of his biggest star players (Hazard,
Fabregas and Costa) singled out for torrents of abuse and
subsequently labelled “The Three Rats”
It took less than five minutes for Chelsea to take the lead and in
the style that befit the day it came from one of their serial
under-achievers this season, Ivanovic. He rifled a Willian corner
into the roof of the net. Coates was completely at fault, letting
Ivanovic go and gave him plenty of room for the header. Coates was at
fault for the second too, eight minutes later, when he was caught
horrendously out of position for Ivanovic to sling in a cross for
Pedro to thump in, leaving Pantillimon no chance. Coates was subbed
off seven minutes later having shambled his way around for 23 paltry
minutes. His removal led to the restoration of some sense of
stability and Sunderland managed to scrape into the break at 2-0
despite Costa coming close with two gilt-edged chances. The second
half started as a continuation of the first with Chelsea dominating
and pouring forward with Sunderland desperately trying to keep
afloat. Five minutes in, Willian was hauled down in the box and Oscar
converted from the spot to make it 3-0. Then the scares came in.
Borini pulled one goal back two minutes later after Courtois flapped
a Kaboul header onto his leg and Borini nearly capitalised on some
more suspect handling from Courtois and Whatmore could've racked up
one too after another gaffe. He somewhat atoned for those shakes with
a solid save from Defoe late on but that second half passage only
served to highlight the weak points in this Chelsea team that any
team better than Sunderland (and there's quite a few of them)
would've exploited. Chelsea have Hiddink fully in charge for their
next match to Watford and he'll need to bolster that defence to keep
out Deeney, Ighalo and Co. Sunderland limp onto their next match
against Manchester City like their walking to a gallows and, in a
sense, they really are......
Everton Vs Leicester: Foxes chew up the brittle toffee
defence........
I've
spoken before about the Everton defence not exactly being something
you'd make the bedrock of an entire season. It's been the chief
source of headaches for toffee fans and staff alike and also the
chief reason they languish in 10th
despite possessing far more talent than a lot of the teams above
them. For all the bright sparks they've got upfront there's an
evident dullness at the back (Stones not withstanding) and it's
really starting to get to them and this match was proof pudding of
that fact. In fact, it was embarrassing at times to see how easily
Everton self-destructed in defence. The first goal came from a Fuchs
throw that Vardy had lobbed speculatively into the box. Any other
defender would've put his foot through it but Funes-Mori decided (for
some reason) to try to play the ball out. In the process he wound up
hanging out of Okazaki and the referee correctly pointed to the spot.
Mahrez tucked it away. Everton then showcased the better side of
their game by equalising five minutes later, with some nice interplay
between Kone, Lukaku and Deulofeu (when he wasn't rolling around like
a twat every time he was tipped) found Barkley who's low shot was
saved. The re-bound went straight back to him but he again couldn't
convert thanks to King. That
rebound
went to Lukaku who made no mistake and slotted home. The rest of the
goals came in the second half, along with the Everton midfield
totally ignoring their defence, with the first coming after twenty
minutes. A sustained bout of Leicester pressure led to Mahrez sliding
a neat ball for Vardy who was then cleared out by Howard. Mahrez
converted that one too. Leicester had hit there stride and racked up
the third, four minutes later. A lame Everton throw to Coleman was
following by an equally lame clearance attempt. Albrighton charged it
down and the ball broke to Vardy who's square ball across the box to
Okazaki was finished well. Spurred on somehow (maybe from the screams
of more than a few Arsenal fans) Everton began to apply some pressure
and Leicester broke in the 89th
when a Lukaku shot was pinballed around the box and fell to Mirallas
who fired home to set up a nerve-wracking last few minutes. Leicester
now have to contend with going into a tough fixture run at the top
starting with Liverpool next week, Everton have the revitalised
Newcastle.
Manchester United Vs Norwich: Canaries outplay the Red Devils
to ramp up the heat......
Oh
how United needed a win here, and how badly they played to spite
themselves. Mnay were expecting that, with their back seriously to
the walls and about to slip out of the top four, some semblance of
the old United would creep back and secure at least a point. Maybe a
win even, most were thinking, against a team second from bottom and
mired in a relegation race already would not be too much for a team
of this calibre, no matter how badly they're playing. Sixty minutes
later and United are two nil down having not registered a single shot
on target and not looking like doing so either. Norwich had a
defensive, counter-attacking gameplan to operate and they stuck to it
and got a much-deserved win. For everyone harping on about Norwich
and their defensive tactics today I ask: “Did any other method make
any sense for them?” Seriously, just look at their team and tell me
how they'd have gone about playing open football. The gameplan had a
nous of simple psychology to it: Don't concede and United will panic,
then strike. Norwich gave over possession (they had the ball a mere
three minutes out of every ten) and didn't even manage to win a
corner yet had slotted home twice and won.
For
United, looking back, it's obvious the main weak point was tactics.
Playing Fellaini and Carrick in front of Jones and Smalling was
asking for trouble. With Smalling the only one with pace it left the
centre wide open for Norwich's forwards to exploit. And exploit they
did. The first goal was a showcase of how easy this current setup was
to by pass. Redmond picked up the ball just inside his own half and
made up around thirty yards before any tackle was put in, he slid the
ball off to Jerome on his right. Jerome then skipped past the
desperate obvious tackle from Young and, with Carrick plodding behind
him and Smalling trying to get in front, had pretty much the entire
box to himself and his shot still found the back of the net even
though De Gea got a hand to it. Th efirst half ended with lots of
United possession, no shots and plenty of boos. The second half
kicked off the same way until fourteen minutes later when Rooney got
caught in possession in the centre circle and had hid pocket picked
by Tettey. He played a short ball to Jerome and continued his run,
tracked by literally no-one. Jerome covered around ten yards and slid
a superb through-ball back for Tettey and his finish was low and hard
into the bottom left corner to sent Old Trafford into a chorus of
boos. United then finally got their first shot on target and their
first goal twelve minutes later. Young pegged it to the byline to
keep in an errant pass and his cross was delivered just a fraction to
high for Rooney. Rooney's attempt, however, helped the ball onto
Martial who held off a series of increasingly desperate tackles to
fire the ball into the roof of the net. Mata got the second shot on
target in the 78th
minute when Martial was fouled in a good position for a free kick and
Rudd did well to keep it out. Full time trudged on and the boos rang
out once again. United have to start the Chirstmas schedule against
who will really fancy their chances of taking all three points.
Norwich are out of the relegation zone and will have a job of staying
out against Spurs.
Southampton
Vs Spurs: Saints go limping in as Spurs go top four...........
It's
been a bit of a familiar story with regards to Southampton. The
feelings from the wondrous season they had and the subsequent fending
off (well, mostly) of the predators who tried to poach virtually
their entire fucking team has given way to a feeling that's
definitely more “sinking” than anything else. They're 12th
and not up shit creek by any stretch but any more results like today
and the alarm bells will be ringing. Today saw their fourth defeat in
their last five games and, more worryingly, no signs that the team
are learning from their mistakes. Suicidal defending, complete lack
of finishing and running out of gas in the final third of the game
have been hallmarks of their previous performances. So strange for a
team that used to pride itself on relentless intensity. Spurs have
halted a winless run of three games and are now top four and will be
looking to stay there given how generally awful their surrounding
opposition have been. They will definitely feel if Pochettino can
wring some of his trademark consistency from this team, Europe's
premier club competition will be a reasonable target for them, which
will certainly help them retain some of their prized assets coming
into the summer transfer window.
The
start of this match didn't showcase the result and it would've been a
far different match had Southampton's aforementioned finishing issues
not reared their head so early. Mane was put through in the sixth
minute, albeit at a tight angle, and his shot was deflected wide by
Alderweireld. The resultant corner came to nothing. Two minutes later
a Lloris punt forward was headed to Tadic who ran down a totally
clear left flank and squared the ball across perfectly for Mane on
the edge of the box. Mane was unmarked and the pass had caught the
entire Spurs backline in the middle of their “statue” routine.
His side-footed shot was strong but too near Lloris who got down well
to save it. It was a golden opportunity. Spurs began playing
themselves back into the game and got their first real attempt
through Kane when he played a neat one-two with Eriksson and
Gazzaniga could only parry his shot out for a corner. Then in the
40th
minute Lamela and Alli moved the ball forward in a swift
counter-attack and Alli was cleaved out of it. The ball bobbled to
Kane and, with the Southampton defence expecting the whistle, the ref
played advantage. He strode forward, yards clear of anyone else and
placed the ball into the far corner of the net. Three minutes later
another Spurs counter caught the entire Southampton defence napping
when Walker ran down the right flank with three other Spurs to his
left. Not a single challenge was put in and his neat, low cross went
straight to Alli's feet, totally unmarked at the back post, and he
slotted home while the defenders still had their hands in the air.
Fitting returns for the horrendous tackle put on him earlier. The
second half petered out mostly event-free as Spurs shifted down a few
gears and Southampton contrived to almost shoot themselves in the
foot again with some calamitous defending. Spurs will take on Norwich
next week and will be in fine spirits following this comically easy
win, Southampton will hope to avoid another North London nightmare as
they have Arsenal next.
Stoke
Vs Crystal Palace: Eagles get justice thanks to Lee
screamer............
Both
teams today lined out dizzy from recent highs. Stoke's 0-0- draw at
West Ham last week has not deflated the good mood they picked up with
their comprehensive 2-0 win over Man City and Palace have been
sitting pretty towards the upper end of the table for a while now.
Pardew's lofty goal of a top-six finish seems not as nakedly flippant
as it did at the start of the season. It's clear both teams have
overhauled their images as of late and both are reliant on key pivot
signings; Stoke have Shaquiri who returned today, Palace have Cabaye
who was injured. If Stoke had one issue it was their inability to
perform in the final third (they're the joint lowest scorers) and
while they definitely performed better in that regard, they could do
with a more clinical approach. And not encountering goalkeepers like
Hennessey. Palace needed to maintain their shrewd away form and
defended compactly, happy to allow Stoke possession, only applying
pressure in their own half and only breaking forward when it seemed
it would lead to a sure thing. This approach, of course, resulted in
a game in which nothing much really happened outside of some strong
midfield duels and periods of Stoke pressure. Stoke actually had
their best chances in the first half with their main one coming on
the 38th
minute when Van Ginkel flicked a cross off the outside of the post.
It would be the closest they would come to scoring the entire game.
With
the first half end looming, added time brought the respite. A lobbed
free-kick was poorly dealt with and Delaney helped the ball to Zaha.
While it cannot be disputed that Zaha was moving away
from the goal when Whelan's tackle came in, it also cannot be
disputed that he got Zaha's ankle rather than the ball. Zaha went
down and the ref pointed to the spot. Up stepped Wickham to produce
quite possibly the most thumping fucking penalty I've seen in ages.
He hit that ball like it fucking owed him money. The second started
off with more spice as five minutes after the restart Johnson came
close with an arrowed shot that Hennessey palmed away for a defender
to put clear. Seventeen minutes later Arnautovic came within an inch
of levelling it when his shot skimmed off two defenders and brushed
the side of the post with Hennessey (for once) well beaten. The 74th
saw Krkic somehow completely unmarked in the box and when a horde of
penalty appeals went up for a foul he had only Hennessey to worry
about. Unfortunately Hennessey was more than able to get low to his
left to parry out the shot. Then, in the 75th
minute, what could've been the turning point of the game happened.
After affording Shaquri far too much time and space on the flank to
just swing in crosses, one of them bounced straight up in the air and
when it came down Delaney and Whelan jumped for it. The ball missed
both heads and instead came down on Delaney's arm. The referee
pointed to the spot. Krkic stepped up and Hennessey nearly kept it
out but it was hit too strongly. Palace then applied their own
pressure and should've scored when Bolasie was put clean through when
McArther cleverly dummied a Lee pass. Butland got out just in time to
save. The corner led to some penalty box pinball and when it was
eventually cleared as far as Lee, over twenty-five yards out, no-one
expected what happened next. Lee ran onto the ball and caught it
sweetly for a shot that soared into the far corner of the net. It was
unbelievable and a sure-fire candidate for goal of the season.
Butland, even at full stretch, could do nothing. What a fucking to
seal the win. Stoke can take heart form their performance, if not the
result, and will fancy that another one like this will see them
rewards against a languid Man United next week. Palace will be
looking to get their foot firmly in the top spots against
Bournemouth.
West
Brom Vs Bournemouth: Cherries bite twice as the Baggies lose their
heads........
It's
now three on the trot for Bournemouth. Their industrious hard-work
ethic had been getting a going over in the press (and by his own
board and fans too) a month back. Fast forward to today and they've
racked up straight wins over Chelsea, Man United and West Brom.
They've added good attacking play onto the solid team ethic and it's
now paying huge dividends back in the form of nine points from games
they'd no right to expect anything from. That they're doing it whilst
in the midst of an injury crisis speaks volumes about the atmosphere
Howe has borne into this team. West Brom, on the other hand, look
just inches from a crisis. It must be incredibly disheartening to
their fans that the clubs' sole aim is to stay up, there's not even a
token effort to live up to the aspirations of entertaining, expansive
football. Also the petulant way they went down to nine men today will
not boost the flagging spirit in the dressing room. Now shorn of one
of their few specialist wingers and their main goal threat until
mid-January it remains to be seen how Pulis will re-jig his team to
compensate. Berahino cannot play the lone striker role Pulis favours
and it's clear that, after whining for weeks about how much he wanted
him on loan, he would rather field ten men then put Gnabry on the
pitch. There's a weird method to how Pulis uses the so-called “flair”
players he has. He seems to collect them purely on the basis that
everyone else has them, yet can't bring himself to field any of them,
and won't consider ending the loans early to avoid paying their
wages. It's baffling.
Bournemouth
sure wasted no time here, Murray teeing up Stanislas for a ferocious
drive that Myhill could only palm away. He wasn't catching that one,
it would've broken his wrists. The match cantered around until the
34th
when a 50-50 challenge between McClean and Smith left McClean holding
his foot in pain. When nothing was given he promptly got up, ran to
the byline and scythed a tackle over the ball onto Smith's shins.
Fuck a red card, that tackle deserved an assault charge. He walked
and Brommie were down to ten. A week after calling Klopp “a bit of
an idiot” for refusing to shake Pulis' hand. Karma can be a quick
bitch when she wants to be. The first half with Bournemouth
squandering a late chance when Ritchie was clear in the box only to
head wide with the goal at his mercy. The second half would present
most of the action in this game with West Brom making a rare foray
into the Bournemouth box. Evans lofted in a superb ball straight to
Rondon who brilliantly chested it down, turned and fired first-time a
the top corner. It required a fantastic reflex save from Boruc. The
52nd
saw the first goal when Surman's diagonal long-ball found Smith wide
right. He trapped the ball well and ran straight across the face of
the box. With everyone expecting a pass, no-one put in a tackle, and
his shot was perfectly placed into the bottom right corner. West Brom
equalised in the 79th
when Dawson won a corner and Gardner swung in a great cross for
McAuley to glance it in across the goal line and in off the post. The
83rd
saw Bournemouth's set-piece defending again so to shit when a floated
free-kick left Dawson free and clear with a header that he somehow
put wide. Bournemouth would score the defining goal five minutes
later. A Bournemouth corner was well cleared to Lambert who succeeded
only in getting his feet caught up and lost the ball to Gosling, who
he never bothered chasing down. This left Gosling running full steam
past Fletcher who's attempt to foul him outside the box was so slow
they were both inside the box when he made contact. The ref pointed
to the spot and Daniels smashed home the penalty. Bournemouth are
looking well out of danger and are riding high and will need every
ounce of drive to get past Palace next week, West Brom will need
quite the Christmas miracle to see anything from Swansea.
Newcastle
Vs Aston Villa: Point apiece in the monsoon rain............
Relegation
haunts both of these teams like a vengeful spectre so the imperative
was probably more on “don't lose” than “must win” which meant
that any hope of free-flowing scintillating football today was
diminished. It was snuffed out even further thanks to rain so heavy
it made accurate passing next to impossible. The start of the first
half bore this out as both teams lost possession without any hint of
strong counter-attacking going on. Indeed the first chance came in
the 28th
when Janmaat's cross was met by Cisse in the box. His header was
straight at Guzan. Cisse's next act would be to injure himself
chasing a lobbed pass and he replaced with Mitrovic. Mitrovic then
comically missed a Sissoko cross. His improvised header, with the
ball slightly behind his head, in the 36th
forced a good tip-over save from Guzan. That led to a Colback corner
which bobbled it's way through every player and arrived for Colocinni
completely unmarked at the back post to smash home.
The
second half saw an easing in the rain and a super shot in the first
minute from Vertout that Elliot needed to be good to keep out. That
parry led to a Newcastle counter-attack that ended with Sissoko
attempting a left-foot shot and scuffing it harmlessly wide. The 56th
saw a pivitol moment when an over-hit Janmaat cross was kept in by
Wjinaldum (and the water-logged pitch) his lobbed cross fell to De
Jong, unmarked and three yards out, at the back post. Somehow he
headed wide. It was a chance they'd come to rue. The 60th
saw his substitution for Perez and Villa introducing Gestede. It was
the latter that proved to be influential as he spurred Villa to life.
He forced a tip over from Elliot with his first touch. Vertout's
corner didn't make it past Colback who headed it clear to Hutton who
gave it back to Vertout. He slung in another cross which found Ayew
on the far corner of the box. He jinked around a tackle and shifted
the ball onto his right foot and then unleashed a curling shot into
the far corner of the net. A goal from no-where that kept Villa in
it. Villa fought back with Gestede narrowly missing a cross that
would have been a tap in. the 74th
saw Wjinaldum fluff his lines from seven yards out after being found
by Perez, the resultant shot will only be classed as “on target”
solely by virtue of Guzan having to pick it up. The 88th
saw Gestede latch onto a Vertout corner with a header that Elliot had
be alert to tip over. Sissoko and Perez then combined in the box, in
the 90th
minute, only for Perez to baloon the ball over the bar. Newcastle
have Everton to contend with next week and it'll be a very unhappy
Christmas if they defend this roughshod again. Villa will take this
glimmer of hope (they're still bottom remember) and will seek to find
some more against the Hammers.
Watford
Vs Liverpool: Klopp gets it wrong as the Hornets help
themselves............
Watford
are flying high it has to be said. Their fourth win on the trot has
seen them to within a point and some (okay, quite a bit) goal
difference off the top four. In doing so they handed a dour Liverpool
team a thumping that reminds them that, for all the talent and cash,
they're still a work in progress. Although, after this display, quite
what they're working towards or progressing to remains a mystery.
True to their nickname Watford swarmed Liverpool, from the off,
forcing error after error. The backline were totally unable to deal
with either Deeney or Ighalo let alone both at the same time and
Bogdan choose one hell of a game to produce a gaffe. He wasted no
time in producing it either, the third minute, when he fumbled a
Carson cross, under zero pressure and Ake simply kicked the ball in.
Bogdan later claimed that he had both hands on the ball when it was
kicked but he never looked even remotely confident that the ball was
under his control. Watford continued hustling Liverpool all over the
pitch, with Ake pretty much laying claim to the entire left flank,
and the second goal was pure persistence. Deeney ran Lucas ragged and
stole the ball from him and immediately clipped it over the top for
Ighalo to chase. Despite Skrtel having a brief headstart he didn't
count on Ighalo's persistence and the ball broke wide, Ighalo reacted
first, collecting it and looping it into the far corner of the net.
Klopp
started this match with no recognised strikers for some reason. It's
obvious Liverpool have a goal problem as they remain the only top-ten
team with a negative goal difference so quite why he started with
Benteke and Origi on the bench is beyond me. Origi got on when Skrtel
injured himself in the 41st
minute. This restored some fight to the team after the break and
Moreno and Origi himself went close. Ibe and Benteke were subbed on
in the 74th
with the hopes that simply “going for it” would produce
something, anything. The second half did have a goal in it but it was
for Watford as Behrami stole down the right and crossed for Ighalo in
the box. He buried his header to seal the three points. Liverpool
have a worrying conundrum ahead of them next week as they take on
Leicester, play with no attackers again and they're doomed. Play with
some and they may be handed a trouncing that'll sting far more than
this one. Watford will be taking their brand-own blend of muscle and
skill to Chelsea next week and they'll fancy taking all three there
as well.
Arsenal
Vs Manchester City: Battle of the favourites opens up a gap at the
top............
This
was the early one for Arsenal. Their first game against City, while
undergoing their annual injury crisis, would prove their credentials
as title contenders this season. Win, and they're set as favourites;
lose, and they'll just be another pretender Arsenal team imploding as
per usual. This was the time for Arsenal to show that they can truly
mix it up and stay in the race, even when everything is going wrong
for them. And how they did. Arsenal employed a tactic that suits
their players to a tee, counter-attack. Utterly ruthless on the
counter they showed why they are head and shoulders above all other
(except maybe Leicester) when moving forward. They cut straight
through the City midfield and defence at will and should've been four
clear by half-time but for some, unfortunately also trademark,
Arsenal profligacy. It also helps that they were up against a City
team that seemed just not interested in the game and had already gone
on holidays. Also, without Kompany, the central pairing of Otamendi
and Mangala were, again, nothing more than 50 million worth of
useless tripe. City again thought that they could defend with
reckless abandon and get away with it and were punished for it. They
can have noexcuses about squad depth or injuries: their bench cost
more than the entire Arsenal team they faced.
Simply
put, they afforded far too much space to Ozil. Without Alexis and
with Ramsey and Flamini in place of Coquelin and Cazorla, it was
plainly obvious that everything Arsenal planned to do was going
through Ozil. Yet City refused to man-mark or even press him. Instead
Toure blundered about like a race horse that's bucked it's jockey
leaving Fernandinho alone to try to screen a shaky defence from
Ramsey, Walcott, Campbell and Giroud whilst also contending with
Ozil. No chance, pal. To make matters worse, Arsenal were set up to
counter, meaning that the overloaded backline had to contend with the
pure pace on the break, when most of the other players were out of
position and gaps open up. On the 33rd
minute Ozil interplayed with Giroud to receive the ball in the box,
he played it slightly back to Walcott on the edge who shifted onto
his right and swerved the ball far corner to open the scoring. That
was Ozil's 14th
assist of the season so far. He notched up No.15 twelve minutes later
when he collected a shanked clearance from Mangala (who had no need
to do so as he was under no pressure) and his through-ball for Giroud
was so perfect that he did not even need to break stride, he rode
over Otamendi's idiotic, desperate slide block and thumped the ball
across the goal into the net. One of the key aspects of Arsenal's
new-found forward game is a defensive stability and calmness unlike
anything they've had in a while. They kept Silva under wraps meaning
that anything that was going to happen was coming from De Bruyne. In
an attempt to free him up some more, the two drifted right to
tag-team Monreal. Ramsey's powerful running from deep was causing
City all sorts of problems and he really should've scored when
one-on-one with Hart only to see his shot bounce off the keepers
face. City pulled one back and set a nervy endgame in place in the
83rd
minute when, of all people, Toure woke up to realise he was actually
playing a match. He took the ball on the edge of the and his shot
couldn't have been better placed had it been on remote control. City
spurred into life and Arsenal compacted and hit on the break. The
match ended with Arsenal victorious. They now take on Southampton
next week for a fairly winnable (if their title claims are to have
any weight) run of games. City have to go back to the drawing board
and have no better team to do that against then Sunderland.
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