So a third
gameweek has lurched out of view, leaving nothing but a trail of
hangovers, ripped up betting slips and Fantasy Football managers
tears in it's wake. It was a week in which the term “too early to
tell” really started to
get over-used (I'm even going to use it once or twice below) and some
teams put their foot down and others put their foot in their mouths.
And all before a mouth-watering Monday night clash between two big
teams neither of which is performing to any kind of previous
standard. Excellent, business as usual in the Premier League then,
eh?:
Man
U Vs Newcastle: Looks like 230 million can't buy you teeth........
After a stuttering start to the season in which United have managed
to play themselves out of title contention this was the game to
really kick up the fires especially in their main man, Rooney. In
fact United's performance to date have been so abject that despite
not losing a game nor conceding a single goal (in the league) so far
they're still considered a team in turmoil None of that changed
today. Actually Newcastle will join Spurs and Villa on the list of
teams who really had United on the ropes yet failed to pull the
trigger to finish off a team that really was there for the taking.
While Van Gaal's focus on defence has borne some fruits on the
discovery of a superb CB pairing of Blind and Smalling, it's his near
total neglect of his clearly misfiring forward options that's causing
major upset. Bar Walker's expertly taken opening weekend own-goal,
United have scored only one goal in the league to date. And even that
was a bad deflection....
Yet
this match did not start off as bad as the end seemed, United were
all over Newcastle in the first twenty minutes. They racked up more
shots on target in that first twenty minutes then they've managed in
their last two league games combined (although counting the Spurs
game, with its grand total of zero shots on target is somewhat
disingenuous). However once Newcastle weathered that storm they began
to assert themselves on the match and really put United under the
cosh. Mitrovic, who somehow got through the game without attempting
to maim someone, was a constant menace and nearly snatched the game
with a glancing header off the crossbar. Perez and Wijnaldum
were excellent and Krul was a wall in goal, not letting any of the
early United blitz faze him. Van Gaal may yet rue allowing Van Persie
to go if his teams' finishing remains as blunt as it is. Not paying
for Falcao was obvious (not even Woodward is THAT stupid) but it
remains to be seen if Van Gaal's five “Strikers”, Rooney,
Januzaj, Fellaini, Wilson and Hernandez (so that's two borderline
youth players, a defensive mid, a perennial bench-player and Shrek
the third), can produce the goals. But on this evidence, they really
can't. United play a free-wheeling Swansea side next and they'll be
needing those goals.......
Palace
Vs Villa: Pards pisses on the fruit cart........slaaags
In this match we have two teams who both won their opening game, both
coming off narrow losses to bigger teams and who both need a win to
resume a campaign for mid-table. Although of the two teams here
Palace look for more likely to rise up and challenge at least for a
Europa league spot. Although if you'd walked away at half time you'd
never have thought that. Palace were mauled in the opening half, the
midfield ruled by a returning Grealish and it looked like the Villa
team had finally gelled into the working unit that Sherwood has
always wanted. Villa were dominant in the first half and for the
first part of the second and can feel hard done by that they were the
first to concede a goal. Dann leaping like gazelle to meet Puncheon's
well taken corner and thudding the header into the net. While the
accusations are that he was climbing all over his marker, he was
never challenged in the slightest for the ball.
Villa
struck back with Traore producing a marvelous piece of skill that
will unfortunately go down as a Souare own goal. He lit up the pitch
with a fantastic performance and his really should've been the last
piece of serious action when, in the 87th
minute, Amavi, for some reason probably not even known to himself,
passed a ball straight to Dann who turned provider this time and fed
Sako who unleashed a cracking left foot finish to seal the deal on
the three points. For Palace this match will be a welcome respite
(and three points) and their performance highlighted their strength
in central midfield now with Cabaye, McArthur, Jedinak and Ledley.
Keeping four good central midfielders happy when they can't all start
is a way nicer problem than they usually have at Palace and they were
rampant in the final half hour, a performance they'll need to keep as
they play Chelsea next. For Villa, this match has shown that the team
Sherwood has built, while talented, still need time to come together
before the whole becomes more than just the sum of its parts and
they've a decent shot at another three points when they play
Sunderland next week however, seen as how well most other teams have
gelled, time may be shorter than they think...
Leicester
Vs Spurs: Holding on is really just as important as getting
there.......
Throughout this match one over-riding fact was made abundantly clear;
Spurs are far too reliant on too few players, namely Kane, Erikson
and Lloris. While two of those three were playing today only one was
on form and it wasn't the guy up front. Kane has looked completely
wrecked in the last few matches and while it's true the service to
him has been. at best, spotty it's also true he's been a shadow of
his gun-slinging former self. It's no wonder Spurs are desperate to
sign another striker, with Berahino top of the list. Luckily for
Spurs, Leicester were also as lethargic (a fact blamed on the unusual
heat) and while Ranieri will probably never lose his “Tinkerman”
label (he fielded the same team now in the last three matches) it's
imperative for him to ensure his team never loses that high-energy
buzz they've made their own this season. Oh how they really could've
used that energy.
While Leicester were making some headway via Albrighton and their new
star Mahrez, both were repelled by a solid Spurs defence with ease.
But past that, Spurs were turgid and Leicester not much better.
Although the crowning question in any Spurs fans minds must be: “What
sort of dirt does Lamela have on Potts?”. Lamela has been anonymous
so far in the season and he excelled himself here with a display of
such baffling mediocrity it beggars belief how he gets in ahead of
Lennon. At times it seemed as if Spurs might be better off fielding a
baby giraffe. It'd be cheaper to feed too. Maybe the main problem
Spurs have is that having a higher staff turnover than McDonald's
might not be that conductive to team cohesion. Although they may have
unearthed a fine young talent in Alli, whose goal owed more to slack
defending than good positioning. And Spurs just switched off
completely at the restart and Leicester equalised inside of 25
seconds. They surged forward from the kick-off and Vardy's knock down
was fired past a helpless Lloris by Mahrez. With blood in the water
Leicester went in for the kill and the match suddenly came to life
with Spurs clinging on for dear life, with Lloris again saving their
bacon with a fine close range save from Morgan to secure the point.
While Leicester can revel in a never-say-die attitude, Spurs host
Everton and another display like this will see the toffees racking up
a cricket score.
Norwich
Vs Stoke: Tale of two cities...........
The match of two City teams promised to be a real test of two teams
with two vastly differing approaches to their current campaign. Stoke
have focused on buying in and re-honing an array of exotic cast-off
players looking to re-discover themselves in the Premier league, a
bit like a bunch of Italian fresco artists showing up to paint your
drywall. Hughes' project to turn Stoke into a Barca-lite continues
with the bizarre signing of Shaqiri from Inter Milan. The sight of
him in a Stoke jersey will never seem normal I reckon. Here, in his
first start, he was deployed out on the right alongside Arnautovic
and Afelley behind lone striker Diouf. It's a potent combination and,
with Ireland having recovered his form, Joselu and Bojan, one with
some depth and options. Norwich, on the other hand, have focused on
bolstering an already set team with a strong work ethic and a
fast-passing, high-energy motto. All new recruits have been carefully
selected to conform to that ethos and it's paid off to quite a high
degree. They've started the league in good form (opening week loss
notwithstanding) and are not looking like the relegation certainties
that most newly-promoted teams do.
This
match will not be source of too much confidence to Norwich's playing
ability but will boost their attitude that they actually belong in
the Premier league. They were on the back foot for most of the game
and still managed to pull it out in the end and Stoke's new addition
of an immense amount of skill and finesse to their uniquely physical
(one would say near, psychotic) robust play looks like a gamble that
may just pay off.....
Sunderland
Vs Swansea: Always fear the walking Dead..............
While Stoke will never shake the “Zombie horde” moniker, despite
the fact their team now contains more champions league winners than
City, United and Arsenal combined, you'd be hard pressed to find a
more suitable analogy for the current shambling horde that is the
current Sunderland team. Slack in defence, lazy in midfield and slow
in attack, their two shining lights are goalkeeper Costel Pantillimon
(a sort of friendly Romanian Slenderman) and the age-defying Jermaine
Defoe who is proof, if any were needed, that while a striker can lose
their pace, endurance and strength as long as they don't lose their
ability to finish they'll always have a job. So awful has their start
to the season been that their crowning achievement is that have
already been earmarked as favourites for relegation by none other
than their own sponsors, DafaBet.
Swansea arrived in fine form, having put the shits up Chelsea in the
opening weekend and crushing Newcastle the next, this was to be the
proverbial “Candy form a baby” scenario, with a chance of meting
out a record stomping in the process. In true Premier league style,
however, it was not to be. Inspired by their rabid home fans (40,00
showed up, seriously those guys deserve medals) the Sunderland team
discovered the fight and grit that seemed to have already been beaten
out of them. Swansea played quite reticently, possibly cowed by the
sheer noise of the home crowd or by the string of just unbelievable
saves pulled off by Pantillimon, and were a shadow of the team that
chewed it's way through Chelsea two weeks ago. When Swansea took the
lead courtesy of a sublime Gomis finish from Naughton's cross the
heads could've gone down but, instead, Sunderland put their heads
down and eventually equalised through Defoe, latching onto a
wonderful through-ball from Lens, to secure the point. For Sunderland
this welcome point comes with a warning that this season is going to
be hard slog after hard slog. For Swansea, they've received a lesson
that, in the Premier league, absolutely nothing is for certain, least
of all three points.
West
Ham Vs Bournemouth: Looks like good DO come to those who
wait............
With the Hammers looking to consign their loss to Leicester as a
“blip” Bournemouth could be forgiven for showing up looking to
park the bus and nick a point. Bilic has the Hammers playing an
exciting, attacking, brand of football and they way they cut down
Arsenal in the opening weekend will still surely be lurking in the
minds of this Bournemouth team as surely as it lurks in the minds of
that Arsenal team. If it did, however, it didn't show. Bournemouth
turned up to play and fucking play they did. Sticking to the style of
play that got them promoted in the first place, Bournemouth swarmed
forward with aplomb and were leading after only 11 minutes when
Francis shrugged off Cresswell (this would be a recurring theme in
this match) and his cut-back pass was battered home by Wilson whose
run across Reid wasn't tracked at all. Cresswell went to sleep again
for the second, his awful pass letting Wilson in to pilfer his
second.
Not that this match was just Bournemouth playing exceptionally well,
West Ham helped them out to no end by implement a diamond system so
badly that their full-backs, Jenkinson and Cresswell, were left
completely isolated and it's no surprise that all of Bournemouth's
goals started with movements on or from the flanks. West Ham restored
some solidity in the second half and pulled a goal back from a Noble
penalty after King stupidly tripped him up in the box and then
equalised five minutes later when Kouyate crashed Sakho's palmed shot
into the roof of the net. Bournemouth did not stop though and pulled
ahead again with the goal of the game as Pugh received the ball on
the left, turned Jenkinson inside out, and curled home a truly
fantastic goal. Jenkinson then gifted Bournemouth another as he
hauled down Gradel in the box to concede the penalty and the red card
(Bilic's FIFTH since he started, he really isn't going for the fair
play award is he?) Wilson completed his hat-trick and while the
Hammers poured the pressure on and pulled one back through Maiga, it
was not to be. For the Hammers it seems as if it was their win at
Arsenal was the “blip”, and Bournemouth have shown that maybe
they do belong in the Premier league after all......
West
Brom Vs Chelsea: What happens when two slow-motion car crashes
collide?
Poor Tony Pulis, for all his railings against the transfer window
leading to the unsettling of his lead striker the fact remains that
he could do with some transfer business of his own. Put simply, West
Brom looked fucked. Thrashed in the opening weekend and scraping a
0-0 against Watford in the next a good showing, and at least a point,
against a seemingly chaotic Chelsea side would be the shot in the arm
his side needs so badly. Chelsea too needed a solid performance to
show the league that they are not being left behind and while they
will look at the three points gained to re-enforce that point, they
will not look at this match performance too fondly. The one big
bright point for them is that their transfer of Pedro looks to be
steal of the century.
It
was “Good news-Bad news” for Chelsea with the good news being
that Pedro looks to already be on the same wavelength as his
team-mates, particularly Hazard, and looks to take the league by
storm. His first goal came from a neat one-two with the Belgian and
while his shot got lucky with a minor deflection it was well taken
and his leading of the counter-attack for the second was inspired.
The bad news is that their defence look like an accident waiting to
happen and were lucky that Morrison chose today to take the shittest
penalty I've ever seen. Matic (who clumsily gave away the penalty)
and Fabregas are suffering heavily from early-season sluggishness and
it's exposing their centre-backs horribly and I really wonder what
Ivanovic has to do get dropped. West Brom sent everything down their
left hand side and most of it went straight past him. West Brom
pulled one back after Rondon went inspector gadget on one of worst
passes I've seen in a while to cut the ball back to a completely
unmarked Morrison in the box who drilled home. Chelsea fluked a third
when Azpilicueta scuffed a shot through, not one but, two sets of
legs to put them 3-1 up at half time. It was a flattering scoreline
to say the least. The second half started off slowly enough until the
55th
minute when Brunt's long ball to Rondon caught the entire Chelsea
team napping and Terry, with not a chance to catch him, was forced to
haul him down and take an early shower. McManaman sent in a wicked
cross on the 59th
minute for Morrison to head home and really rack up the tension until
the final whistle.
Everton
Vs Man City: Protect yourself at all times doesn't just apply to
boxing......
City's inexorable march continues and, while Everton certainly posed
a much bigger challenge than Chelsea and West Brom combined
regardless of what the scoreline says, it looks like it may take
something special to derail them now. Everton set up to bring the
game to City and Martinez's faith in his youngsters Barkley and
Stones was rewarded with excellent performances from each of them.
Barkley especially was at the heart of almost everything that Everton
did going forward, showing a coolness that belied his age, even when
faced with a rampant Toure and Fernandinho in front of him. Indeed he
was the first to test Hart and it was his pass that led to Lukaku
slotting past Hart only to ruled out for fractional offside. Coleman
too was fantastic and, for the most part, held his own against anyone
who came near him. While he switched off at a crucial moment which
allowed Sterling in, Kolarov should never have scored. Howard was
more concerned with berating the linesman than covering his near
post.
Howard had a very good game and was tested repeatedly but he again
failed to commit for the second City goal. Toure chipped in a neat
ball and, with McCarthy ball-watching, it fell to Nasri who should've
been cleared out of it by Howard. Instead he was allowed to skip
inside and dink the ball over him into the net. While Everton posed a
serious threat on the counter-attack it remains to be seen if they
can muster enough of a team effort to mount a serious campaign this
season. On the evidence of their thrashing of Southampton, they can.
On this evidence, they can't. Priority one for Everton seems to be to
hold onto the players they've got and hope the poachers get bored and
piss off. Performances like this don't help in that regard. They
threatened only for a brief time and City more than matched them.
Tuesday 6pm cannot come soon enough for Roberto Martinez. For City,
they will be looking to finally bring this level of consistency to
their Champions league campaign and really see if they can cut it on
the big stage.
Watford
Vs Southampton: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.....
Wow,
for a match with 0-0 fucking signposted all over it they really
didn't disappoint. Or they really did, depending on how you look at
it. Southampton could've done with ignoring those signs and a win
here would've given them a neat boost and three well-needed points.
Instead they laboured to a 0-0 result which raised far more questions
than it answered, if indeed it answered any to begin with. With
Watford the question of why Vydra was not even on the bench for this
match looms high when the teams attack peaked in the 9th
minute with a shot from Nyow that nearly went out for a throw and
Holebas' shot only making it as far as his own team-mate, Deeney.
Vydra was their star last season and Flores' excuse that he's
excluding their star striker because he's to deal with 30 players is
laughable. Especially in the light of how blunt the teams he's been
fielding are. They failed to muster a single shot on target today.
As for Southampton while it seems as if Koeman is taking the Europa
league seriously but hasn't struck the right balance yet his decision
to leave Tadic on the bench the entire game was baffling. They were
devoid of any creativity and could've sorely used his thinking and
energy to drive them forward. He fielded four new signings today and
Tadic would have glued a lot of the play together nicely to provide
more fodder for the isolated Shane Long up front. With a flat
back-three and the wing-backs to provide the width, his team looked
like they'd never played before and didn't want to start now.
Southampton host the high-octane Norwich (my god, how weird that
sounds) next week and will want to get out of this funk or they'll be
run over. Watford have Man City next and.....well......they'll at
least have the best view of the goals from the pitch.....that's
something right?
Liverpool
Vs Arsenal: What the fuck was THAT?!!?!?!?
“No, seriously, what the fuck just happened?” That was the
question I got asked most frequently in the aftermath of quite
possibly the most insane 0-0 in Premier League history. In a game
between a supposed title contender and a supposed top-four contender
both teams managed to fail miserably in living up to either
aspiration and yet still delivered a thrilling engagement. Neither
team will look back on this game with too much fondness; Arsenal
because it shows they aren't improving and have lost the attacking
fluidity that made them so feared, Liverpool because another solid
performance will, once again, be overshadowed by them being helped
out by another daft linesman.
Arsenal once again have to deal with defensive frailty issues.
Arsenal have gone quite silent in-between matches and the reason this
week was because both centre-backs were unavailable, leaving the
duties to Chambers and Gabriel. How Rodgers would've loved a day or
two's notice to drill his team to just batter down the centre had he
known this in advance. The weakness in central defence was shown up
by Chambers having an absolute mare of a first half (although he had
a much better second) and was not helped by Cazorla neglecting his
defensive duties leaving Coquelin alone to deal with both Coutihno
and Milner. Had he more than just half a season of top-flight
football under his belt he may have had a better time of it but, as
it was, he was just pulled apart. The one light from this match is
that Arsenal will no longer be getting shit over Petr Cech. He was
immense in goal, pulling off world-class saves like a fucking boss
and showing everyone that he's still got it. Up the other end,
Mignolet pulled off few great saves of his own to deny Giroud whilst
doing his best Neuer impression. Liverpool, despite missing both
Henderson and Lallana, actually looked more balanced today than ever
and played much better despite having a bad linesman call get them
out of jail. They play West Ham next and will be looking to continue
this fine play by taking those three points before the interlull
kicks in. Arsenal have Newcastle next and the sense is that nothing
less than a thumping, emphatic win will do to restore the credibility
to a title chase that's gone massively awry.