Apologies
for the delay in bringing you last weekends round-up as I've been
resting up since someone decided to try and spread me all over their
car bonnet like some kind of sexy nutella.....So another weekend,
another manager sacked. As much as I quite enjoyed Sherwood's "barrow
boy, apples-an-pears" shtick, it was clearly obvious he was one
of three things majorly wrong at Villa and they are: The board, The
manager and the players. In a three-way tussle between those forces
there's only ever going to be one contender for who gets the boot
first. So poor Tim has to sling his hook, and now Villa are targeting
a former Gunner in Garde to take over. Whoever arrives at Villa
however will have one remit and one only; keep them in the Premier
league. Whether or not the player are up to the task, or if the board
are willing to fork out for some that are, is another question
entirely. So without further delay............This weeks car-crash
action!
Aston
Villa Vs Swansea: Our Tim has slagged his last..........for
now.......
Much was made of how precarious Sherwood's position was before this
game and how long he'd have left afterwards if he were to lose. Turns
out the answer was only a few hours. It's quite fitting to layered
mess that is Villa that their fate was sealed by a goal from the
brother of their only goalscorer today. Yet both will be heading in
markedly different direction I reckon. One point from nine games is
relegation form, even this early in the season, and with Newcastle's
loss in the Tyne-Wear derby; Villa are now rock bottom. Although for
all the guff being spouted about the board being a shower of
incompetent bastards (they are) and the players having almost no
drive or sense of urgency (they don't) Sherwood does have to shoulder
his own share of the blame today. He fielded only one central
midfielder (despite having four to choose from) and still seemed like
he'd no real idea what he wanted his team to do, other than win.
Cruelly, it almost got what he wanted. Swansea were awful in the
first half and gifted possession away so many times it beggared
belief. It has been over-looked, in the aftermath of Sherwood's
sacking, that Monk needed a win as badly as his opposing manager did.
Swansea have been in dire form recently and started today off no
differently.
This
game was the very definition of a slow burner and the first half saw
barely any action outside of some wasted free-kicks, some argy bargy
and Fernandez blazing over from six yards out. Villa seemed to be on
top and slowly imposing themselves on the game when, in the 62nd
minute, Gomis ran down the inside-right channel and squared for Ayew
to fire home. His shot was brilliantly read by Guzan and he saved it
well. The rebound led to Grealish picking the ball up and running
most of the pitch to release Agbonlahor who clipped over a cross, of
such skill it probably surprised himself more than anyone, for Ayew
to head in and take the lead. To say that Villa Park erupted would be
giving tectonic plates too much credit. The relief would last for
only six minutes. A Swansea attack that was really going nowhere fast
led to Sigurdsson being bundled over stupidly 25 yards out. He
stepped up to the plate himself and curled in a stunning free-kick
top corner. Swansea were spurred on by this, having gone one down
after playing some of their worst football ever, they now sensed they
could grab all three points. On the 87th
they got it. Naughton was given acres of space down the right and his
cross was simply watched by the Villa defence as Ayew (the younger
one) stole a yard on his marker, slid in and tapped home for the win.
For Villa they've a scant few days to pick themselves up from this,
with new manager, and hope to produce something at Spurs next week.
Swansea, in the meantime, will hope that their first half performance
is a low point never to be repeated as they host Arsenal next week.
Leicester
Vs Crystal Palace: Vardy downs the Eagles to keep Leicester flying
high.....
Two
things can be taken from this game: Leicester seemed to finally
learned how to win without conceding first and Vardy's “Roy of the
rovers” impression shows no signs of stopping. Such was Leicester
propensity for conceding that Ranieri promised to take the team out
for pizza if they kept a clean sheet. If all it takes is the promise
of free pizza to get players fired up for a clean sheet expect the
BMI's of every player in the league to sky-rocket. Leicester's first
clean sheet was helped by some uncharacteristic play from Palace.
Normally an attacking team they sat back for vast portions of the
game which allowed Leicester to steal a march on them. The Palace
away form has been something of a hallmark of this season (they're
second only to Arsenal in that regard) and it was thought that they
would strike first and often and build the momentum needed to deny
any chance of the fabled Leicester fightback from having any later
impact. Instead they seemed to be employing some sort of
counter-attack system which really didn't work at all as they stood
off rather than pressed.
The
game certainly started out proving this as Albrighton managed to
confound most of the Palace defence by simply not crossing when
everyone expected him to. His shot ricocheted off the post at a
tricky angle and Mahrez was unable to steer his first time shot
on-target. The entire Palace back-end was nowhere to be seen for any
of that and Hennessey stood totally still. Precious little else
happened in the first half bar a well-worked Cabaye shot that was
straight at Schmeichel. Other than that, both keepers could've taken
the first half off there was so little going on. Palace attempted to
inject a little pace into their game by subbing on Bamford for
Campbell in the second half but the game never looked like getting
started until Hangeland made his mistake on the 59th.
Dann was under no pressure when he calmly headed towards his
team-mate. His team-mate responded like a deer caught in some
headlights and his half-arsed clearance reached only Mahrez who
spotted Vardy's run and threaded the ball through. Vardy held the
ball well, with a defender on his back, ghosted past Henessey's awful
challenge and rifled it into the roof of the net. Leicester then sat
back and defended deep for the remainder of the match. Sako had a
great curling shot well saved, Bamford had a header excellently
cleared off the line and Zaha was booked for diving in a hectic final
third that saw Leicester defend like their lives, not just pizza,
depended on it. They will hoping to take their new-found defensive
nous to West Brom next week and there's a high chance they'll
continue it given the attacking form of the Baggies. Palace host Man
United and will hope to play a good deal better than they did today.
Norwich
vs West Brom: Brommie defence bail them out once again.........
Bouncing back from a 6-2 drubbing isn't always the easiest thing to
do. Least of all when your next team is one that's been picking up
clean sheets left, right and centre this season. The good news for
Norwich was that it's the West Brom attack that haven't exactly been
setting the world alight, having only managed eight goals so far, and
that meant they would surely avoid conceding in the manner they did
last week. A nice 0-0 or 1-0 smash-and-grab victory was just what
Norwich needed but, instead, Alex Neil now has to contend with losing
three on the trot for the first time in his career. The most likely
culprit for this is, unfortunately, Neil himself. His attacking
ideals are well-meaning and welcome but his naïvety in being unable
to switch or shift tactics to suit play are really starting to cost
his team. Sending cross after cross into a towering and
well-marshalled defence, managed by Tony Pulis no less, was never
going to pay dividends and his inability to alter his sides approach
was their main downfall here.
The game did start more openly than it would eventually end. Both
sides had good opportunities, both from distance, as Brunt sent a
thumping shot that Ruddy palmed away at full stretch while, up the
other end, Redmond fired on-target from a tight angle that need a
strong hand from Myhill to turn away. Best chance of the half fell to
Rondon as Dawson, after another unbelievable passing free-kick
sequence, drilled a low cross across the six yard box. It only needed
a tap to go in and Rondon was only an inch away. Dawson later managed
to head the ball down so hard from a corner that it bounced over the
bar. The deadlock was broken one minute into the second half when
Rondon, after missing a succession of headers so far in the game, got
onto the end of a perfect cross from McClean and made no mistake from
seven yards out. Brunt came close a while later with another
long-range effort that needed a good save from Ruddy. Bassong headed
over a great opportunity in the last moments of the game and that was
about as close as Norwich ever got. West Brom host Leicester and will
hope their defensive style hold up against their far superior attack.
Norwich travel to Man City next week in a game you reckon can only go
one way.
Stoke
Vs Watford: Hornets sting as the Walking dead falter............
Two teams with quite differing fortunes clash today as Stoke are on
the back of winning three in a row and Watford arrive on the back of
a three nil drubbing at Arsenal. With Watford having scored the least
amount of goals of any team in the league it was thought that they
would struggle with the new possession based game Stoke have began to
play. Stoke clearly hoped to get the ball and make Watford work for
every inch and gradually pass them in submission right from the
start. Losing Cameron inside the first nine minutes to a thigh strain
wasn't the best way to start that. That he strained it in a tussle
with Deeney in the box was a portend for the future of this match as
Stoke struggled to cope with any pressure that Watford pressed on
them. Watford are one of the few teams that field a front two and it
looks like it'll be paying off sooner rather than later. Ighalo and
Deeney look to have built up the level of understanding required for
a strike partnership and Watford are now just waiting for the goals
to flow. They had to wait 43 minutes for Deeney to notch up his
first.
After
Arnautovic was tee'd up perfectly for a header by Shaqiri on the 29th
minute Watford began to accept the fact that Stoke were going to have
the majority of the possession and simply allowed it to happen in
order to exploit the gaps that opened up whenever Stoke lost the
ball. A good flowing move from this resulted in Oghalo hitting the
bar from a cross by Anya after winning the ball in midfield. The ball
rebounded to Ighalo who recovered the ball and fed it to Abdi who got
his knickers in a twist and could only shuffle the ball to his left
as far as Deeney who hit the bar also despite being around eight
yards out with almost no pressure on him. Then the 44th
minute ticked around and Adbi, out on the left, worked it well to
Ighalo who fed Deeney with a neat little flick and Deeney finished it
bottom right from just inside the edge of the box. The second came on
the cusp of the 70th
minute when Ighalo dispossessed Wilson after some blind stupidity
from Wilson and fed Adbi who smashed the ball home from the edge of
the box. Stoke continued to display the absolute worst of their
“Jekyll and Hyde” style game by playing some of the shittest
football they've ever played and they were fortunate that it only
ended 2-0. Stoke will hope that they shape up again for the arrival
of Newcastle next week and their mid-week game against Chelsea in the
league Cup. Watford have the travel-happy Hammers next and they'll be
lucky to escape with a point on how well West Ham are playing.
West
Ham Vs Chelsea: The Hammers pile in on Chelsea's misery..............
Much will be made of Chelsea's self destruct here that it will take
the gloss off what was a fine West Ham performance. Not that any
Hammers fans will give a shit. To them, the taunting of Chelsea and
Jose simply add more spice to a dish that has gotten progressively
more tasty as the season has gone on. Their win here elevates them to
third, on goal difference, level with Man United. For all the
complaining Chelsea will do post this match it will not hide the fact
that they were the architects of their own downfall, here as much as
anywhere else. The traditional stalwart defending has gone, replaced
now by a listless apathy that often gifts immense amounts of space or
golden chances to opponents. The fast and lithe midfield has been
replaced with a bunch of stooges running around with little to no
purpose other than trying to apportion blame to one another. The
lethal and aggressive strikers have been replaced with sycophantic
divers, one minute hard and unflappable, the next, soft and rolling
around in agony. This isn't just any team implosion, this is a
Chelsea team implosion....
The first goal was a trademark of this new Chelsea. Fabregas,
operating in an advanced position as the exact type of luxury player
Mourinho would never have played in the past, left a foot in on Payet
after attempting the laziest tackle on record. Payet took the
free-kick himself and it required a fine save from Begovic to keep it
out. The resultant corner was also taken by Payet, it went straight
to Costa who fluffed the clearance as far as Zarate on the edge of
the box who whacked it home. For once, this affront seemed to bring
about the old Chelsea with Zouma having a header cleared off the line
by Lanzini from a corner. West Ham settled into their more
comfortable (and more dangerous) counter-attacking stance and nearly
went two up twice with a header from Collins requiring another
excellent save from Begovic and Lanzini chipping the keeper went one
on one. Unfortunately for the Hammers, he managed to chip the entire
goal also. The game turned on the 44th went Costa managed
to properly clear a fucking corner this time and his effort resulted
in four Chelsea attackers bearing down on two hapless West Ham
defenders. Willian ate up the field and slipped Fabregas through on
goal and he fired low into the net. The flag was up for offside
though and then the new Chelsea “personality” re-asserted itself
with some force. Matic was shown a second yellow for tripping Sakho
and the Chelsea team went nuts. Terry and Fabregas were both booked
for dissent while the assistant coach was sent to the stands for
abusing the fourth official. When the second half began, Mourinho
watched from the directors box, having been told not to return to the
dugout. Yet, still the old Chelsea made one last bid to be known,
eleven minutes after the re-start, when Zouma flicked on a corner and
Cahill rifled home the equaliser. It was short-lived, however, on the
79th minute Cresswell slung in a high cross and Carroll
(of all the donkeys, I mean, people) headed home
from ten yards. Humiliation complete, Chelsea could only slink to the
end and back home where, surely a raft of FA charges and fines, so
numerous that they might as well set up a direct debit with the FA,
await them. They'll need to re-form next, as they host a Liverpool
team that has been gaining confidence despite their recent results
and will fancy taking Chelsea at Stamford Bridge. West Ham travel to
Watford and three points....surely?
Arsenal
Vs Everton: Leggy Gunners maintain winning form against lazy
Toffees.......
Arsenal are a confidence team it's said. And after beating Bayern 2-0
midweek, it's safe to say confidence was high. Yet, confidence cannot
make legs run when there is no energy left to make them do so.
Rotation is key to performance in multiple competitions and it is
here that many an Arsenal team have stumbled in the past. Maybe it's
worth revising that opening sentence, maybe Arsenal are a stability
team. A team that requires a set eleven, week-in, week-out to get
results. Arsenal seem to attract players that do not lend to much
rotation. Give an Arsenal player a game here or there to impress and,
chances are, you won't be. Give him ten straight and you'll have
someone undroppable. It's a curious thing. For example, Bellerin did
not truly shine until Debuchy, who'd been excellent up till that
point, got injured. Now he can't be dropped and it's Debuchy who
looks shaky every time he's played. Same applies to Coquelin. So
surplus to requirements he was shipped out to Charlton and only
recalled because there was literally no-one else to do it. Now there
is no-one else Arsenal would rather have do it. I think it's safe to
say that it's not a confident Arsenal team that is bad to play
against, it's a settled one. Yet there is one area Arsenal do have a
good rotational option: Strikers. Arsenal are two different shades
when Walcott is up front as opposed to his French counterpart. Faster
with Walcott, stronger with Giroud. Horses for courses some people
say.
Arsenal
went with Giroud today from the start with him only having made
substitute appearances recently and he put on stellar No.10
performance. With the team behind him weary, he had to work harder to
bring his team-mates into the game. It appeared for the most part
that Everton were steadily gaining momentum in the match. While not
threatening they certainly weren't being put under the usual Arsenal
firestorm and it may have been this that led to the lapse in
concentration that led to the first goal on the 36th
minute. Ozil, out right, was given far too much space and time on the
ball and his delivery, high and looping, for Giroud was perfect.
Giroud was much too tall and strong for Jageilka and, with Howard
ball-watching, he needed only to jump slightly to guide the ball into
the net. Everton still reeling Arsenal knocked home another two
minutes later. Cazorla served in from a free-kick on the left and
Koscielny had only to run forward to bundle the ball into the net at
point-blank range. Everton rallied back and when Barkley, on the
stroke of half-time, fired from 30 yards out many could be forgiven
for laughing. Not that they'd still be laughing after seeing the
speculative shot bounce off Gabriels' shin and loop past Cech. The
second half was a whirlwind of activity as Everton pressed and
Arsenal replied. Lukaku skimmed the bar after 76 minutes, Flamini
decided he was a centre forward and was in the six yard box to head
directly at Howard, Ozil hit the post and Barry suffered a rush of
blood to the head, cleared out Gibbs and went sent off. Everton will
hope that they can muster this second half resolve for a full 90
minutes against Sunderland next week, although they may not need it
given how badly Sunderland have been playing. Arsenal will await the
possibility of taking revenge on one of last seasons bogey teams when
they travel to Swansea next week.
Sunderland
Vs Newcastle: The tyne-wear derby gets even more fucking crazy......
The
bi-annual tyne-wear derby has always held more of a spectacle than it
really should on paper. These are, generally, two teams scrapping
either to avoid relegation or for neighbourhood bragging rights. Not
ones battling for top four finishes or titles. Yet, such is the
animosity between the two, you know you;ll always get a good game,
unlike in other derbies I could name.....*cough, cough*
Mersyside...*cough, cough*. Yet, despite the fiery nature of past
derbies this one took a while to get going, but when it did it really
got
going! It seemed a meeting of two opposing strategies, McClaren was
all about retaining the ball and his team did that with 60%
possession by the end whereas Allerdyce is on record as saying
“Possession is over-rated sometimes” and his team followed by
standing off their opponents to an almost reckless degree. Any
notions in any Sunderland fans heads that this was deliberate were
quickly doused as it became very obvious that Sunderland were just
incapable of challenging for the ball at any point. They were
out-manoeuvred, out-passed and out-witted by Newcastle. Yet, for all
their movement, Newcastle couldn't really do much but dominate the
ball and, in a flash, it all unravelled a minute before half-time.
For
all the talk of how it wasn't a clear goal-scoring opportunity as
Fletcher was never going to reach Defoe's long ball (he wasn't and
would never have even with a five yard head-start) it still remains a
puzzle as to why Coloccini felt the need to barge him out of the way.
His keeper had the ball covered and Fletcher was, in no way, a goal
threat (it IS Fletcher after all). While the tackle was a nothing one
anyway, it presented Fletcher with the chance to go down in the box
and he took it. It worked and the ref pointed to the spot and
brandished a red card for Coloccini. To rub salt into the wounds, it
was Johnson who stepped up and slotted home. The second half brought
more Newcastle domination, even down to ten men, and they restricted
Sunderland to just two shots on target the entire
half.................too bad they scored with both of them. Twenty
minutes after the re-start M'Vila met a corner with a scuffed volley
that Jones swiped home from two yards out that really should've been
dealt with long before it ever became an issue. Their misery was
compounded four minutes from time when Kaboul picked the ball up from
Defoe and chipped a ball that Fletcher could
get to. His finish was low, strong and final. Three valuable points
and they leap-frog their rivals out of last place too. Sunderland can
only hope against hope that Everton are as generous when it comes to
goals next week (and with Jageilka injured and Howard playing like a
scarecrow it could happen), whereas Newcastle have another daunting
match against Stoke to contend with in their race to stay alive.
Bournemouth
Vs Spurs: Bournemouth left scrabbling for points as Kane kicks on....
You
have to feel sorry for Bournemouth, they played exceptional football
to get promoted and then go ahead and lose the entire spine of their
team after the first few weeks. It's a balancing act to re-order a
team after so many injuries and it's obvious that they haven't gotten
it right yet. Although if their keeper could stop, literally, handing
goals to their opponents they'll find that task a good deal easier.
Boruc had easily one of the worst games I've ever seen a goalkeeper
have and it's no good stating that a better defence would've screened
him better. Three of the goals resulted directly from handling errors
when he was under little to no pressure. It also didn't help that
Spurs had one of those games where everything for them just “clicked”
and it's fair to say that Kane has been praying for opponents this
charitable for months now. Not much has been made of his recent
barren spell and it will do him the world of good to notch up a
hat-trick, even if it was completely gifted to him. The main hope
here is that he'll kick on from this bounty and re-discover the form
that made him such a media darling. If every team plays like
Bournemouth did today, he'll have 30+ goals before
Christmas.............
Yet
the match did not start off like this. After a loose start which saw
them aimlessly knock the ball around and concede possession, they
were one down after fifty seconds. Daniels running down the left
flank and crossing for Murray. The ball was a fraction too high but
it didn't matter as Spurs had focused entirely on making sure Murray
saw none of the ball. When Ritchie ran in behind to gather the cross
he was totally un-marked in the box and his left foot shot left
Lloris with no chance. The celebrations were short-lived (about seven
minutes), however, as Spurs put their foot down and Boruc made
himself known. A raking Spurs counter-attack saw Kane released into
the box to the wide left of the goal. He was running full-steam just
to keep up with the ball and was marked so it really asks the
question as to why Boruc felt the need to clear him out the way he
did. He didn't even get near the ball. The ref pointed to the spot
and Kane himself scored the penalty. Then the game really took off.
Nine minutes later a Rose thunderbolt hit the defence and dropped
nicely in the box for Dembele. The defence then simply stood and
watched him run goalwards and tuck the ball into the bottom left
corner. On the half-hour a tame Kane cross flew across the goal for
Lamela. Boruc's attempt to catch it was unbelievably bad and he
succeeded in only spooning the ball straight to the feet of Lamela.
He couldn't miss. The second half continued much like the first one
with one half of the Bournemouth team trying score and the other
trying to concede. On the 56th
minute, Erikson was given acres to pick his pass and his fast,
looping cross for Kane needed only a hint to go past Boruc. Six
minutes later Boruc completed his hat-trick of errors by handing Kane
his hat-trick. Erikson's corner went straight to Alderweireld and his
header was on target. Boruc saved well but still couldn't keep hold
of the ball and spilled it straight to Kane who just dinked the ball
in for 5-1 and the match ball. Bournemouth now face Southampton and
two 5-1 losses in a row will not be good preparation. Spurs now take
on a ragged team of misfits formerly known as Aston Villa next week.
Man
United Vs Man City: Dullest derby in history....seriously.....
…......Okay.....that
was...........something...........was it? I'm not sure. It was a game
so interminably boring and so devoid of any action you could scarcely
claim that a game had taken place at all. A dull, flat lifeless
ninety minutes that could have been written off as a huge conceptual
art piece about the limits of human boredom. It was written this way
from the start though. The instant anyone saw the team sheets the
notion that this was going to be a guns-blazing affair were dashed.
Replaced only by the hopes that watching two groups of millionaires
list around a pitch would somehow result in a black hole opening up
in the middle of the pitch and swallowing the whole stadium whole,
you know, just to liven things up a bit. Both teams have utilised two
forms so far over the season and both were so afraid of losing this
game that both went defensive. Van Gaal fielded three central
midfielders to clog up the main channel and Pellegrini responded by
shoring up his own central area by deploying both Fernando and
Fernandihno. Both teams set up to nullify the other, not overcome
them. A thrill-ride this was not.
Both
strikers were completely isolated. Telling stats from this bore-fest.
It was a full 82 minutes before a shot on target was had. Both teams
only mustered one shot on target each and Rooney had exactly ONE
fucking touch of the ball inside the opposition box. There was such a
lack of any kind of impetus to score a
goal........................you know what?..............fuck
it........I'm not doing this. LITERALLY NOTHING FUCKING HAPPENED.
I've got nothing to talk about. We all know how much fucking money
both teams have spent on garbage so I'm going into that. Look, United
have to travel to Palace next week and City have Norwich and let's
hope to fuck that they pull their thumbs out of their arses and play
with some fucking balls.
Liverpool
Vs Southampton: First real test for the
Akloppalyse.......................
This
match promised to give the new Liverpool manager a stern test of the
new system he's imparting. Southampton will not be as meek as Spurs
were last week and will look to capitalise on the relative weaknesses
of this Liverpool squad, notably those in attack. With only a
half-fit Benteke and their fourth-choice option in Origi Liverpool
are shit out of options up front. No doubt they'll see now as the
ideal time to take three points off Liverpool, before whatever Klopp
is trying to do with them clicks into gear. Southampton are looking
for those points to keep them within reach of the pack leading the
table. Liverpool will be hoping to not fall too far behind before
their striking options all return from injury. It doesn't help that
Coutinho has been below-par this season also. The lack of any impact
of Liverpool on their fans can be seen with the lack of any of the
serious atmosphere wherever they play.
Any
promise of a decent game was not shown at all in the tedious first
half. All excitement was saved for the last fifteen minutes.
Liverpool started with Origi up front and his lack of experience
showed as his link-up play with the rest of the team was lacking,
despite them not really helping him out much. He was hooked at half
time for Benteke who immediately linked up with Lallana for a chance
that went out for a corner. Liverpool won a series of corners that
came to nothing but served to give the previously quiet crowd
something to cheer. They really got something to cheer on the 77th
minute when Milner won possession back on the right flank, ran
forward and measured his cross to perfection. Benteke stole a yard on
Fonte, leapt into the air and thumped his header on the net. It was a
cracking, typical big centre-forward header of a goal. The cheers
lasted until four minutes from time when Ward-Prowse slung a
free-kick into the Liverpool box. The defence failed to deal with the
first header and the second before Ramierez headed tamely across the
goal and Mane fumbled the ball in. The match was destined to end in a
draw and Mane made a further impact by committing two idiotic, rash
tackles , picking up two yellow cards and getting himself sent off in
added time. Liverpool will need Benteke for their next game as they
travel to Stamford Bridge to play Chelsea and Southampton could not
hope for more accommodating opponents (as Spurs found out) than
Bournemouth next week.