Gameweek 11: Soap Opera time! get the popcorn and head to Stamford Bridge......

Well it was some weekend.......and week. The Chelsea debacle is really starting to play out like some kind of horrific soap opera where you're hoping everyone dies and somehow the world ends at the finale because surely no dimension that allows this kind of shit to go on unabated is not worth having to begin with. It also featured the new manager additions each suffering widely different fates. Klopp rung out the bells on Chelsea and his team starched them without even any strikers for half the game, Big Sam and newbie Garde suffered big, big losses to highlight the tasks they've got in front of them. So without further ado.........

Chelsea Vs Liverpool: The Akloppalyse rules and Jose is out of ideas now..............

What a match. If you were anything but a Chelsea fan you were loving this one. End to end stuff on the pitch, seething melodrama off it. It was the best way to kick off a weekend of football. Klopp came to Stanford Bridge with a squad that boasted only one half-fit striker as youngster Origi did not even make the trip to London. Countinho picked one hell of a match to burst back into life. He was a constant threat and menace alongside Lallana who, while he doesn't have the finishing of his Brazilian team-mate, matched his work-rate and gave the Chelsea back-line a torrid time. Chelsea, in response, had nothing to give. They give off a vibe of a team without even a shred of confidence in their own abilities to do even the basics right. Their downfall today was sitting back after they'd taken the advantage and allowing Liverpool to grow into the game. By the time they realised they actually had to start playing again, it was far too late. Near the end of the game the camera cut to Mourinho on the sideline, standing there looking disconsolate. He simply had no answers.

That they started the match by far the better will be cruelly over-looked, or perhaps even used to beat them even further. Giving the ultra-pressing of this new Liverpool, Chelsea aimed to be more precise with their attacks rather than expend huge amounts of energy chasing the ball. And it worked, for a time. Their goal came after only four minutes when the Liverpool pressing game broke down and Chelsea overloaded the left flank. Hazard released Azpilicueta down the byline and his cross was met by a firm header from Ramires. Mignolet and the defence, Moreno in particular, were guilty of ball-watching and were unable to prevent the goal. From then, for some reason, Chelsea completely sat back and let Liverpool play their way back into contention maybe figuring that, without a striker, Liverpool would be unable to hurt them. Liverpool pressed and got the equaliser their play deserved when Coutinho picked up the ball form Firmino on the edge of the box jinked past Ramires' despairing lunge and curved a sweet shot just inside the near corner. The seond half saw the baffling decision to take Hazard off for a 19 year old Kenedy and the expected introduction of Benteke. Benteke would then go on to set up Coutinho to take the lead on the 74^th minute. Again he was left to work his magic on the edge of the box while defenders dived in front of him, and again, he swerved the ball top corner. Chelsea still tried to get back into it but found that this Liverpool is a completely different beast from the one that started the game and were out-played. The third goal was inevitable. Ibe picked the ball up on the right flank and runs straight down the line, his low ball in was dummied by Lallana and it rolled to Benteke who jinked past a number of lunges to finish across the goal to make it 3-1 and complete the rout. Chelsea look like a team with no ideas and Stoke will be looking to reap the rewards next week, Liverpool will be riding the crest of the wave of this victory to Crystal Palace next week.

Crystal Palace Vs Man United: Zzzzzzzzz......the Van Gaal sleeper express trundles on.....

Plunging the depths of boredom seems to United's thing this season. You can tell how badly they're playing by reading articles about their games and counting up how many references to the actual game are made. This peculiar brand of anti-football is so bad it defies not only analysis but satire too. This match ended with them having only one shot on target, a free-kick. None from open play. Free-kick aside, Hennessey may well have taken the day off. Three straight 0-0 draws in a row would be testing to any fan and the ones packing the stadium out could actually be heard screaming “attack, attack, attack”. However, unlike the last two 0-0 results, this result was flattering to United. Palace had three gilt-edged chance to score in the game and had to rely on De Gea, once again, to bail them out. When United lose him come the summer, they're really going to be in trouble.

His first contribution was an incredible fingertip save when the ball was worked to the right from a Cabaye free-kick and Bolasie absolutely lashed it. De Gea managed to only brush it with his fingertips but it was enough to get to bounce out off the crossbar rather than bounce in. United briefly threatened when Martial fed a great through-ball for Rooney who really showed how poor his form is by failing horribly to get to it. Even a year ago he'd have had put that away in a heartbeat. The biggest chance of the match arrived on the 72^nd minute when Palace sent a long ball up and United failed to deal with it. Gayle fed it out wide for Ward to sent a fine cross in to find Cabaye totally un-marked in the box about five yards out. His scuffed attempt was feeble and his horrified reaction afterwards said it all. A few minutes after that Cabaye sent in a corner that Dann headed narrowly wide with the keeper well beaten. The match petered out into a series of petty arguments and niggly fouls. United had clearly gone out to target Cabaye and fouled him virtually every chance they got. It helped to stem some of the Palace creativity but, in the end, even the most rabid United fan will know they got incredibly lucky today. A midweek Champs league match to CSKA on Tuesday, hilariously the first fixture between the two was the last time United scored a goal in any competition, will give their ailing attack (now five hours without a goal) something to go for. And they'll need it as it's unlikely their next league game against a defensively solid West Brom will yield too many goals. Palace will hope their profligacy is done as they'll need goals next to overcome a buzzing Liverpool team.

Man City Vs Norwich: Canaries self-destruct to hand the Money team the win......

Prior to this game, much was made of the 18 goals City had banged in in their last four home games. Norwich, with a back five, came prepared to get compact and not allow City the space they thrive on. In fairness, they probably just lined up to not get tonked like most other teams. Offering little going forward, other than lumping up to Jerome, City were never really in any danger bar a few nervy moments where Hart saved well. Other than that it was Bony's lack of sharpness that was one of the highlights of the match. His movement was good, and his first touch got him so much space but his insistence on absolutely plastering the ball the instant he had a clear line on goal was baffling. City played with a reticence that was unbecoming of them and it may have something to do with their midweek game against Sevilla or it may be with their players needing a break. Neither De Bruyne nor Toure looked to grab this game by the neck and impose themselves and the game trickled to half-time 0-0 despite City having almost 75% possession.

The second half started off much like the first, drab and uninspiring, and for the attacking flair players that was on offer, it was a defender that opened the scoring on the 67th. De Bruyne, with his last kick before being hauled off, slung in a corner and Otamendi leapt into the air and thumped his header home. A fine header but he really should not have been able to get to the cross un-marked at the penalty spot. It was these basic error which played a huge part in the match from then on. City looked to control the game in the same manner they had done since the start. Norwich came out of their shells a little, committing more men forward before Hart had his howler. It's been a, thankfully, error-free season for Hart. He's been barracked in the past for his propensity for goofs and it's something he seems to have gotten out of his system. Mostly. In the 83^rd minute, Brady sent a cross over from the right that could be classed as “catching practice”. Hart jumped, claimed and then, as he brought the ball down, seemed to misjudge the spring in his own feet as he landed. This caused the ball to just pop out of his hands and the closest player to him was Jerome who couldn't believe his luck. He put the ball in and wheeled away, convinced a point was assured. Then, the match kicked into gear, going from dull to breakneck in an instant. The last ten minutes saw a flurry of activity and it was yet another goalkeeper error that settled the game. Ruddy rushed out to claim a Navas cross and he succeeded only in flapping it away. Seeing the ball head towards a bunch of poised City players, he rushed forward despite having no hope of getting to the ball. He cleared out Bony and the ball bobbled to Sterling who fired home only to see Martin dive to save it with his arm. A red card and a penalty followed and Toure made no mistake from the spot on the 89^th minute. Yet the game refused to die down when Olsson forced a great save from Hart and then a clearly knackered Brady cleaved down Sterling in the box on the 93^rd minute. Kolorov stood up to take the last kick of the game and merely added to the narrative by shanking it wide. City will have a much easier task in Villa next week, if they're not as tired, and if Villa are still as shit. Norwich will have to stem the tide of losses against Swansea.

Newcastle Vs Stoke: Stalemate benefits both sides as Butland puts on a masterclass......

For all that's said about the massive unpredictability of this season, it's nice to know that some things can be predicted with relative ease. This game had 0-0 not so much as written all over but carved in stone. With both teams looking to avoid losing more so than looking to win due to their results in previous games; Newcastle went from stuffing Bournemouth 6-2 to losing 3-0 to Sunderland, one of the few teams in an even bigger mess than them. Stoke lost 2-0 to Watford and have yet to see the pool of talent they've assembled coalesce into a team that plays with a joint purpose. A loss here would put both teams back a step and would really ramp up the pressure on their managers. McClaren will be under some pressure anyway given the situation with his goalkeepers always being injured at the same time; they've three goalkeepers now currently injured and McClaren's only two options are to start his promising youth keeper, who is an England international or go for an emergency loan deal for some unwanted. Valdes, languishing at United, may be happy to get a call in that case.

That all said it didn't pan out like a typical “Man united” 0-0 where both teams were content to knock the ball around in the hopes that the opposition would slip into a narcoleptic coma. Newcastle played with real verve and will count themselves unlucky to leave with a point, even though most fans would've taken a 0-0 at the start happily. They created the far better chances and had three times more shots on target. Were it not for the excellence of Butland in goal, they'd have almost certainly gotten all three points. Which is ironic given the calamitous nature of the goalkeeping situation at Newcastle and that McClaren once coached the keeper at Derby. Butland played a blinder and got a hand to everything and, even when when he didn't get to everything, made sure the ball stayed out one way or another. One such fortunate scramble saw him dive past a Mitrovic header, only to see it bounce off the post and hit his foot and roll around the box as he hit the ground. His fumble to the ball managed to put the ball out. Newcastle put on a good show afterwards with Wjinaldum hitting the bar with a free-kick after Perez fired a shot just wide of post. Sissoko, Wjinaldum and Perez were making mincemeat of the Stoke defence and, right at the death, Butland was on to save brilliantly again when Sissoko dummied in the box and sold the entire defence before unleashing a shot clear on goal. Butland managed to get it over the bar and the match ended shortly afterwards. Butland can pat himself on the back for getting all three points pretty much single-handedly and will hope Bournemouth next week are as accommodating. Stoke will look to charge into the pile of wreckage that is Chelsea and come away with something next.

Swansea Vs Arsenal: Game of two halves as Gunners atone for last season................

One thing about injuries is that they can really make you consider your options. Arsenal seem to have made a habit of benefiting from their dismal injury record of late. It was through injury that they found Coquelin, Bellerin and now Campbell. Although claims abound that it was known that Campbell was good, it was only due to injuries to SIX right-sided players that he got onto the pitch. Now having been presented his chance, he then proceeded (much like the aforementioned players) to grab it with both hands with a MOTM display. This result also had a tinge of vengeance to it as Swansea were one the typical Arsenal “Bogey” teams, losing to them twice last season in two insipid displays that took the wind out of the Arsenal sails in both halves of the year. It was imperative that Arsenal cement their title credentials against this team coupled with the added drama of a looming injury crisis. The start, however, could only have been marginally worse. Arsenal were a step off the pace and a yard slower at every turn in the first half.

Shelvey was given far too much space and was able to completely bypass the midfield and carve the defence at will. Ayew, while restrained, was able to maraud around with his usual menace and were it not for the mis-firing Gomis it really could've been a bad night for the Gunners. He was put clean through by Shelvey with Koscielny five yards behind him and Bellerin ten. Racing forward he ran straight towards Cech who stood tall and large and held the striker up for long enough so that his knocked ball could be cleared by Bellerin who must've made up twenty yards in around four seconds. Later, a Siggurson free-kick in his favourite area was cleared by Mertsacker only as far as Ayew who slung in a cross that Shelvey headed over. Gomis also had a free header but, while it was on target, it was straight at Cech. Arsenal were fortunate going into the break not to be down a number of goals. It was obvious a different Arsenal lined out for the second half and four minutes in, they moved up a gear. A perfect Ozil corner led to Giroud headed into the far corner, unmarked in the box. Twenty minutes later Ozil, now out on the right flank, served in a cross that Williams could only head straight up and behind him. Fabianski jumped on top of Koscielny and caught the ball. On the way down though he dropped practically onto the defenders feet and to screams of “shoot!” by Giroud behind him he calmly ignored the paws of the beached goalkeeper and slotted home, looking back at the ref for the whistle. None came and the celebrations kicked off. Six minutes later the game was put beyond doubt when Ozil and Alexis combined wonderfully down the left to release Ozil into the box, he fired a low cross across the box which evaded every Swansea defender and arrived at the feet of Campbell. After a match of excellent hard work he took his goal with some finesse, trapping the cross and firing into the opposite side of the net with his left foot. Arsenal will be delighted with their second half performance and it will buoy them well into their mid-week game at Munich and into the fateful North London derby next week against Spurs. Neither are matches they'll want to lose. Swansea have to take heart from their first-half performance and hope Gomis can re-discover his form when they take on Norwich.

Watford Vs West Ham: Hammers stutter to a shock loss as the hornets sting twice in a row..

It's been a good two weeks for Watford. Their high-intensity style looked promising to begin with and they can claim to have won far more than they've lost, which is more than most can say. A dismal run of results, which culminated with a 3-0 thrashing by Arsenal, was ended when they handily beat Stoke 2-0 last week and they racked up the same scoreline and the same assured performance this week against a much more dangerous West Ham. Much has been made of West Hams' away record, with its' many prized scalps, and they added a solid home win over Chelsea last week to really put the shine on their season. It came as no surprise that they went into this fixture as heavy favourites.

However they faced a Waford team that is as dogged in defence as they are in atack. After ten minutes, Ake stunned a header in the box that Adrian could only paw straight back to him. The ball was bouncy however and thankfully the Hammers defence reacted and the ball was scuffed out only as far as Deeney who fired off Carroll, who knew nothing about it. Watford's appeals for a handball went unheeded. On the 39^th minute Ake managed to head a free kick, to the right side of the box, almost straight up in the air. As there were two Hammers underneath the ball he didn't even bother contesting it. Both players air-kicked theatrically and the ball rolled back where Carroll stopped it and, incredibly, attempted a Cruyff turn near the edge of his own six yard box. Needless to say it didn't come off right and Ake, watching the calamity unfold in front of him, nipped in to steal the ball and sent across the face of goal. Ighalo was wise to what was going on too and beat the defence to tap in from around four inches out. Watford hung on till the end of the half and doubled their lead two minutes into the second. Deeney releasing Anya down the right before tamely crossing in for Ighalo. Tomkins actually got to the cross first but let it squirm through his legs and Ighalo took his shot first-time and belted it into the top left corner. Ighalo was sent clear again a minute later and only a fine save from Adrian prevented it from being 3-0. The Hammers shambolic game was typified by the miss from Valencia, gifted a free run on goal due to the most idiotic back-pass ever by Cathcart, smacking his shot on an open goal off the post. The re-bound made it to Carroll who bungled his feet again and was dispossessed. The dreary game was then compounded by Collins getting a straight red card for scything through the back of Ighalo's legs. West Ham now have Everton to look forward to and Watford will be looking to make it three-in-a-row against Leicester.

West Brom Vs Leicester: The comeback kings do it again..........

Leicester seem to be a team comprised almost entirely of great feats. Coming back from being down six times in eleven games and Vardy's marksmanship. It was thought that a defensively sound and well-drilled Brommie would be the first team to keep Vardy from scoring this season but his ridiculous scoring run continued and has already placed him into the record books, he's a goal in the next two games away from equalling the league record. Not bad for a former non-league striker. West Brom have enjoyed their own fair share of plaudits too. Pulis has got his team playing solid tactical, if not eye-catching, football and his record signing, Rondon, is starting to grow into his role alongside Berahino. Restricting a high-flying pacey attacking team like Leicester was always going to be difficult, but it was thought that if anyone could do it, it would be Pulis. They were wrong and while Brommie could've won this game it was through attacking, not defending, that they could've done it.

In the opening stages of the match, both teams looked to get the first goal and Leicester came close when Albrighton fed a great through-ball the inside right for Vardy. Vardy smoked the defence, latched onto the ball, and fired near post. Only a lunging fingertip save from Myhill was enough to put the ball onto the post and see it cannon across the face of the goal and out wide. Brommie took the lead on the half hour mark, however, when a Sessegnon corner was turned in at the near post by Rondon. West Brom then sat off, although not fully, their opponenets and it was only a matter of time before Leicester got back into the game. The lead lasted until the 57^th minute when Albrighton picked up the ball on the right and was given all the time in the world to pick out his cross. The ball looped into the box and straight onto the rushing foot of Mahrez and he whacked home. Seven minutes later Leicester took the lead, Mahrez again scoring although he was a yard offside. 12 minutes later West Brom failed to press and Vardy latched onto a Drinkwater through-ball and fired home to notch up yet another goal. The game was set up for a nail-biter in the 84^th minute when, after having two certain penalties turned down, Kante sliced down McManaman in the box and the ref pointed to the spot. Lambert stepped up and scored his first for the club. The match ended 3-2 and Leicester roll on their unbeaten away form. They'll hope to rack up three more points when Watford come to visit next week. West Brom will travel to Old Trafford next week, hoping to prolong United's goal drought and maybe nick a goal or two themselves....

Everton Vs Sunderland: Fucking hell...................

Didn't expect that. Everton go into this on the back two bad losses to the bigger teams they had hoped to tussle more defiantly with this season. Despite the dismal run of form Sunderland have on record, the change in manager seemed to have sparked something in this team. Their 3-0 trouncing of Newcastle had revitalised them to some degree and they were hoping to take that energy into this match and take the game to Everton. They did just that at the start when Defoe fired a powerful shot at Howard who could only parry it as far as Johnson whose bobbling shot hit the base of the post. On the stroke of the 19^th minute Deulofeu scored his first by putting his shot underneath Pantillimon after the defence dithered in closing him down on the edge of the box. Everton ran forward straight afterwards when Deulofeu ran down the right channel and crossed too early for Lukaku. He did well to keep the ball in play but Kone was too late and Coates cleared. Kone would get his goal on the 31^st minute when he played an excellent one-two with Lukaku to leave him dead centre of the goal with just the keeper to beat. He rifled his shot into the roof of the net. Sunderland did get back into it literally with the last kick before half-time when a long-ball from Coates saw Defoe ghost past Stones to fire into the net.

The second half started lively enough when Fletcher put Sunderland level after five minutes. Van Aarholt ran forward to support Defoe and he crossed into the box and Fletcher got there first with a powerful header that left Howard no chance. They were level for only five minutes when Deulofeu (after being booked for the most shameful dive in history, it was practically Ashley Young-like) slung in a cross for Lukaku and Coates got his foot there first. Unfortunately he wound up putting the ball into the exact same place as Lukaku was planning. Five minutes later he did get his second when Deulofeu played a fantastic through ball from his own half and Lukaku simply out-muscled the two poor saps chosen to mark him and slotted calmly past Howard to make it 4-2. Two minutes later it was 5-2 when McCarthy slid a clever little ball through to Kone just right of the goal and he lobbed the ball across into the net. The humiliation was complete when Kone finished his Hat-trick when Lukaku put across, quite possibly, cross of the season so far with the outside of his right foot to give Kone the perfect header. Kone has come a long way from the permanently injured player who was actually booed onto the pitch at the start of the season by his own fans. He'll be hoping (and Everton too) to continue his form when they take on Stoke next week and Sunderland will be hoping to plug up whatever defensive holes they've got for the visit of Southampton.

Southampton Vs Bournemouth: Saints dominate local rivals to keep up the top table chase..

For all the supposed “Rivalry” here that the media were desperate to stir up we were treated to a nice, lively match. But for all the effort that Bournemouth put into the match they were never really in with a shot of winning this. Southampton set out to do what they intended to do at Leicester and went two up and stamped their control on the game. It's now blindingly obvious that Bournemouth are rapidly running out of options and, up front, they barely have any. Murray is just not at the level they need him to be at and the defence is sorely lacking a “bedrock” style player. One who can tie the headless chicken act they've got going on there together. Southampton are trying to ghost into the top four this season, having fallen afoul of the huge surprise act they were last season which meant everyone got out the knives and hid the silverware whenever they showed up. It'll also prevent the usual pillaging of their player that usually occurs whenever they do anything good.

The match started well for Southampton and the first half was pretty much just one-way traffic for most of it. Bournemouth were being carved open at will and it was quite an achievement to have made it as far as the 31^st minute without conceding. The movement for the first goal was sublime, Pelle backheeling a ball into the path of Bertrand who slung in a low centre that Davis thumped home. Five minutes later they added when Mane and Tadic combined wonderfully to allow Tadic to float a ball across the box. Pelle hung in the air for what seemed like an age and cracked his header into the net. They could've added more before half time but last ditch deflections saw the shots out. Despite the dominance of Southampton in the first half it was obvious that they're not yet up to the task of keeping up that level of play for a full 90. They waned off badly in the second half but Bournemouth were so cowed by this point that it would've taken something truly special to rouse them out of it and try to take the game back. The only real highlight moment was Wanyama's idiotic second yellow and his subsequent sending off. That's the second time Southampton have had to finish with ten men and it's something Koeman will notice. In any case Wanyama will not be missed much as Southampton take on Sunderland next whereas Bournemouth will be hoping the Newcastle that showed up today do so again next week.